HAPPY 10TH BIRTHDAY MIK ❤️

And just like that, 10 whole years have passed since I last saw you, felt you or held you.

What a time it has been boytie!

This year, Im feeling your loss. I’m not sure if it has anything to do with the fact that the last 10 years have been heavy. Since you, I’ve lost MA Una, Granny Biba. Ivan, PA Braemar and Donavan. I’ve encountered many health issues and just life’s ups and downs, so yeah… Heavy it has been. Or maybe I’m feeling your loss because it’s your 10th heavenly birthday and turning the double digits is a thing down here. I was supposed to be waking up and getting more excited than you for your big double digit day you know? Celebrating it with you here…. But despite whatever the reason is… All I know is that Im feeling it.

I cant recall the last time I “visited” the day I lost you. For some reason, I walked through the day before and today 10 years ago. I had no idea I was losing you. I remember feeling you move, I remember the event’s of the day; Giving birth to YOU, Seeing your little hands clenched in fists and mouth wide open like you were gasping for air. I remember kissing you as many times as I could before they took you away, just so that id never forget how kissing you felt. I remember feeling my heart getting ripped into a million pieces and how I so desperately wished it was a dream. I remember when reality hit me that you were no longer. One moment you were there and then next the only thing I had left of you was a tummy buldge, a few scan pictures and boobs filled with milk that was meant to feed you… Oh, and not forgetting, the piece of paper affirming it was not a dream and that you were in fact gone. My boy. If only things were different x

I want you to know that, despite the pain I feel, I beem with glory and contentment knowing that I know where you are. I don’t need to make dua for you because you’re that pure and you’re where true angels belong. Know though son that the dua I make and will continue to make is that I am worthy of being reunited with you one day. Insha’allah ameen.

I want you to know that Until this day, you’re a force that makes me want to grow, heal and do better. You make me want to be a better me. A me I would want to be if you were here. I know I would have strived to be the best example to you as a mother and so I do that still, as if you were here. Allah knew why he brought you into my life for such a short but rather impactful time and I cannot be more grateful that for the time you were meant to spend on this earth and in this life it was with me. I carried an angel for those 6.5 months and for that I am forever grateful.

So today on your 10th birthday. My dua is that Allah ta Allah in some way, unites you and PA. My two angels together on this day… What a delightful thought :). May the angels make your day as special as you are and may Allah ta Allah grant you the ability to feel and know just how much your momma loves you. Ameen.

Have a blast wherever you are and shukran my dear boy x

All my love and my entire heart , your momma x

Brazil in just 5 days

Brazil in just 5 days

Diary of a a low-key sad 1st time traveller

My travel journal – birthday gift from my sister and nieces ✨

In just over a month i jet off to 🇧🇷 (by the will and permission of Allah). A trip postponed for two years thanks to COVID

I am a firm believer that there are no coincidences. Everything happens when it is meant to happen and so I know that this trip was postponed for a reason….still trying to figure out what that is though.

A lot has changed over these last 2 years. COVID struck and has affected us in so many ways; mentally, financially, spiritually, emotionally. We suffered so so many losses as a world; people, time, freedom., stability, peace.

When I won my trip; my family were ecstatic because for some weird and very aligned reason; myself and Brazil have always been a thing.

From being attracted to their colours, culture, football teams, to embarrassingly self naming myself on Mxit as MzBrazil (lmfao)…to now winning an all expenses paid, 5 star trip of a life time to that very same country. Crazy! But I am so grateful! Want to know what’s crazier? We were only told the destination on the night that the award winners were announced. How’s that for manifestation.

My dad in particular was THE most excited. Proud? Hell yes but I think more so excited because he himself had the very same love (perhaps I get it from him). The first thing that came to my mind when it hit I’d be going was: I need to visit a football stadium there, video call him and then get him something super unique. That’s where my heart went… touring the Brazilian side of the inquaza falls and the beaches of copacabana and Ipanema, to the 5 star treatment promised with the likes of accommodation at the copacabana hotel and so much more… all that came after.

He isn’t here any more, my dad that is, and so that very thing that excited me the most about this trip (Yeap, I am sentimental like that) is now longer.

If that wasn’t a downer enough for you and I, please do read on.

My hubby and I were initially going together. However, thanks to COVID again, he had lost employment. So in our best interest; he made the selfless decision to stay; financially we had to pay a portion for a plus one and now We needed to tighten up. The excitement dulled down further.

I was just about overcoming that until we then got news that our trip dates were changing. Not a train smash; as long as we’re going, we’re good right?

Not! The dates were moved earlier, which happen to coincide with my only my 4th wedding anniversary…

I suppose you get why the excitement isn’t so much there now right? I don’t know why everything that’s happening is happening. It doesn’t feel like a blessing in some weird way anymore, instead, more a source of pain.

I am; however, still forever grateful to the almighty for this opportunity of a life time. And even to my support structure for being so self sacrificial and trying to make this exactly what it is; a trip of a life time. I will print this blog and stick it in this journal and show up for these very same folk who are going out on limb to make this special. (maybe a tad bit of an exaggeration; but what’s a story without a grand something right?)

My to do lists, my things to do and see and budgets all will be included. Together with all the super cute (hopefully) instax pictures I’ll be taking and Not forgetting journaling my experiences daily.

Walk with me. Share best practice tips? Any ideas are welcome and thank you for coming to my TayTalk session (see what I did , Tay, not Ted?) LOL

Mind dump – from just an ordinary girl who worked hard for and won an extraordinary trip to Brazil.

Happy 9th heavenly birthday son

Slamaat on your 9th birthday Mik! We’re 9years on and I am reminded that it never gets easier; we just become really good at finding distractions

Millions of thoughts run through my mind; how tall would you have been, how would you have liked your hair cut, what would your favourite food have been or what gift would you have hoped for.

I still believe you’d be the opposite of me; reserved and shy. I sense you’d be so humble and so grateful for anything and everything and rest assured you’d be mums boy!

My dua for you today is that now that papa is there and no longer here on earth, that Allah ta Allah May unite you too. May he make me worthy of meeting you one day insha’allah and grant you and papa enough time to bond Ameen.

So today my son, know that I miss you dearly, know that I love you more than life itself, know that I will celebrate your day yearly until I meet you insha’allah and know that I consider myself so blessed to have been gifted with the responsibility of carrying you for those months. Love you my mikky mik.

Love, your O G! PS: I dressed up for you today

Daily Dose #6

Daily Dose #6

Daily dose #5

Daily dose #5

Everybody is going through something! Regardless of how big or small we may think it is, there is always a way out.

The start of this journey requires the conversations we have with ourselves; we either let it consume us or we solve for the problem; and navigate our way out of the maze taking all the lessons learnt

We aren’t being tested to fail and fall victim. We’re being tested to grow and realise just how victorious we will be at the end of whatever struggle we’re facing

Go easy but stay deliberate! Love and light always

Daily dose #4

Daily dose #4

Yesterday I was put in what I would think is a very compromising position; trying to enforce boundaries I shouldn’t have to be. I lost control of emotion and acted in a way I’m truelly not proud of.

What I am truelly proud of is that I was held accountable by myself first. You see, we human, we feel, we err but what’s most important is that when we know something we did is wrong, we should account for it and work on just being better.

Many would say that my reaction is warranted. But I’m after self- mastery and control. It was a reminder of how far I still have to go.

Prioritising my peace will help me get there; not be so triggered.

Here’s your reminder 🙂

Daily dose #3 – Dear Diary

I was feeling challenged beyond composure and so I quickly sort through the millions of words and para~phrases to blurt out so that my brain could comprehend and change my train of thought – we were heading down negative lane. And well let’s just say, I’ve been robbed down that lane a couple of times! Def a no no for me!

That’s how today’s daily dose was created. I reminded myself just how worthy and blessed I am and that people perceive you through their adjusted lenses… the reminder was that I am no doubt the bomb.com. The ones that will give me a “dam straight” are the ones that matter. The nit pickers don’t.

So whilst there will always be folk that will try you, that will be envious and unhappy about your progress; that will purposely place barriers in your way (God I really don’t like those sorts of people – please change them) let them be a constant reminder of how not to be!

Affirm your worth. Build your courage and strength and remind yourself just how amazing you are. A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.

🤍

So today, your reminder is: you are the bomb digidy! Your efforts are not in vain. Your pain is not unfelt and your beauty is not unseen!

Love and light always; just an ordinary girl

Daily dose #2; Journal entry

Today I felt like I needed as much encouragement as I could get. It was an all round busy day. Productive yes, but the busy that leaves you exhausted at the end of the day!

I had to remind myself of the “why” and claim that my break through is coming. A couple times I’ll admit, but none the less the reminder was there!

🤍

And whilst I’m still very much exhausted, that reminder after the 4th time saying it out loud; sparked a fuse. I didn’t feel as defeated as I was.

Hoping this daily dose Sparks your manifestation fuse!

Pray for it. Claim it. Envision it. Be worthy of it. Accept it! Your break through is coming

Love and light always, just an extraordinary girl!

Daily dose #2

Daily dose #2