It has literally been more than half a year since I’ve blogged! Disgusting I know 🤧 but I am back!
To be quite frank, I lost my urge to be all things creative and through these months I’ve discovered that that is such a dangerous space to be in… let me shed some light
I’ve started in a new position, leadership position, since November last year. As with anything, there are always hiccups in the beginning. I honestly didn’t expect the transition to be this difficult as none of my previous promotions were ever like this. This together with life, health and personal challenges; it all really consumed all the creative out of me!
I weren’t excelling in my job and my problems weren’t going away either.
It felt odd. I fell odd. It was almost like I couldn’t resonate with the person I was becoming. Always stressed, always working, routine out the window. Spewing more negativity than being deliberate about being positive. I lost the urge to pray at some points and lost the will to do my daily dosages of affirmations and gratitudes. I had nothing to show for long hours I was working or the efforts I was putting into my personal problems. It was all crashing, I was spiralling until I crash landed! Yeap, I had THE melt down!
Deep down I knew this wasn’t the me I worked so hard towards. I knew this wasn’t what I wanted to impart to my family, friends, team and just not how I envisioned my life. I lost sight of who I was and what my purpose was. I allowed my weaknesses to take the light and shadow out my strengths! It was all me. Choices I made daily
I allowed the change and issues to consume me to a point where I barely knew who I was. And how ironic is it that at the beginning of a leadership role, a role where you need to lead and impart; you are questioning who you really are?
Being in that space is dangerous because if you are not deliberate in working your way back or being deliberate with trying to find a balance, the well of creative juices may just dry up and forever. You tend to become comfortable with the “new” you and that becomes your reality .
Far too many times we see this happening. People who were once great or iconic, going through the ebb and flow of life and not having anything or themselves grounding them, which results in them getting consumed with the challenges that they’re facing and then their light that once shone brightly? Dimmed until it is no more.
It becomes an “ay what a sad state to affair” conversation.
If you are in this space, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Some things I implemented was going back to basics. I found a site for affirmations and some that resonated with me and then set up daily reminders to deliberately remind me to read them out aloud. I forced the hand at associating myself with positive content be it social media feeds orconversations with friends. I pushed through the spiritual blocking urge and asked the Almighty to help me. I watched videos on time management tips and created checklists; daily weekly and monthly to help me become more structured and I started pushing through wanting to be alone and to accept coffee invitations and chats with friends.
I am far from where I need to be because I still am in this process of getting me back all the while developing into the person I know I want to be.
So on the point of gratitude. I want to highlight how grateful I am to the many who have inspired and reminded me!
I am immensely grateful for my Creator as often through prayer I would have epiphanies. I am grateful for my family and friends because they would often call me out when they experienced that I was spending far too much time and effort in the hole I found myself in. Grateful for my colleagues. Those who were often inspired by my work and who would encourage me to get back to creating and grateful for my conversation with Julian( who basically demanded I post and send him the link- thanks Julz)
I am excited to get back into the swing of things and will be working on content to share more frequently
I lost her but perhaps it was a good thing because I found me and she seems to be a force to reckon with
Love and light always, just an extrordinary girl