Love, life & everything's else in between, motivation and inspiration, personal

I lost “her” but I think I found “me” :)

It has literally been more than half a year since I’ve blogged! Disgusting I know 🤧 but I am back!

To be quite frank, I lost my urge to be all things creative and through these months I’ve discovered that that is such a dangerous space to be in… let me shed some light

I’ve started in a new position, leadership position, since November last year. As with anything, there are always hiccups in the beginning. I honestly didn’t expect the transition to be this difficult as none of my previous promotions were ever like this. This together with life, health and personal challenges; it all really consumed all the creative out of me!

I weren’t excelling in my job and my problems weren’t going away either.

It felt odd. I fell odd. It was almost like I couldn’t resonate with the person I was becoming. Always stressed, always working, routine out the window. Spewing more negativity than being deliberate about being positive. I lost the urge to pray at some points and lost the will to do my daily dosages of affirmations and gratitudes. I had nothing to show for long hours I was working or the efforts I was putting into my personal problems. It was all crashing, I was spiralling until I crash landed! Yeap, I had THE melt down!

Deep down I knew this wasn’t the me I worked so hard towards. I knew this wasn’t what I wanted to impart to my family, friends, team and just not how I envisioned my life. I lost sight of who I was and what my purpose was. I allowed my weaknesses to take the light and shadow out my strengths! It was all me. Choices I made daily

I allowed the change and issues to consume me to a point where I barely knew who I was. And how ironic is it that at the beginning of a leadership role, a role where you need to lead and impart; you are questioning who you really are?

Being in that space is dangerous because if you are not deliberate in working your way back or being deliberate with trying to find a balance, the well of creative juices may just dry up and forever. You tend to become comfortable with the “new” you and that becomes your reality .

Far too many times we see this happening. People who were once great or iconic, going through the ebb and flow of life and not having anything or themselves grounding them, which results in them getting consumed with the challenges that they’re facing and then their light that once shone brightly? Dimmed until it is no more.

It becomes an “ay what a sad state to affair” conversation.

If you are in this space, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Some things I implemented was going back to basics. I found a site for affirmations and some that resonated with me and then set up daily reminders to deliberately remind me to read them out aloud. I forced the hand at associating myself with positive content be it social media feeds orconversations with friends. I pushed through the spiritual blocking urge and asked the Almighty to help me. I watched videos on time management tips and created checklists; daily weekly and monthly to help me become more structured and I started pushing through wanting to be alone and to accept coffee invitations and chats with friends.

I am far from where I need to be because I still am in this process of getting me back all the while developing into the person I know I want to be.

So on the point of gratitude. I want to highlight how grateful I am to the many who have inspired and reminded me!

I am immensely grateful for my Creator as often through prayer I would have epiphanies. I am grateful for my family and friends because they would often call me out when they experienced that I was spending far too much time and effort in the hole I found myself in. Grateful for my colleagues. Those who were often inspired by my work and who would encourage me to get back to creating and grateful for my conversation with Julian( who basically demanded I post and send him the link- thanks Julz)

I am excited to get back into the swing of things and will be working on content to share more frequently

I lost her but perhaps it was a good thing because I found me and she seems to be a force to reckon with

Love and light always, just an extrordinary girl

Girl power, health, Lifestyle, Love, life & everything's else in between, personal, tips

Ladies only: My journey with abnormal uterine bleeding

It’s been a while since I’ve last blogged here. Being in a very confusing and overwhelming state and my health taking a knock, I honestly haven’t had much gumption for anything besides sleep.

Many of you who know me, know that for the past two years, I’ve been battling abnormal uterine bleeding. This post is me documenting my journey with this in hope to offer support to others who are battling the same thing and to get support, tips and tricks from others as well. So here it goes.

My journey!

In 2018, I was admitted twice, by two different gynae’s for abnormal uterine bleeding and discharged without an actual diagnosis. I was treated for the bleeding and it was stopped, all scans and tests came back normal and I was told stress and a bad diet can lead to hormonal imbalances, which is the secondary cause of most cases of uterine bleeding. I instructed to lose some weight and all will be fine and was put on the pill (Marvelon) for a few months and was told all should be sorted. I will admit, my weight has been up and down and I haven’t spent much time focusing on losing weight. It might be an excuse but might I add, the previous Gynae didn’t pin it down to weight loss because he said he’d treated and delivered babies for patients heavier than me.

For a couple of months after that I was fine. Period was regular and hey, the cloud over my head was disappearing…but not for long. Soon after, 1 period lead from one week, to one month to three. The bleeding would then suddenly stop. Then I’d go months without bleeding or getting a period and then the cycle would start all over again.

This has been going on for about two years. I know there are many women who can relate. It’s amazing when you reach out and only then do you hear and come to know of so many women going through this. It isn’t easy to deal with this. Physically, mentally and psychologically. It is draining. We will keep that post ( the emotional roller coaster for another post).

To date I’ve been bleeding heavily for months. About a month ago I visited my GP who gave me medication to stop the bleeding and started me on the pill again (Marvelon). For the first week, the bleeding had stopped, goodness was I relieved but then Aunty Susie and her cousins had withdrawal symptoms and just needed to visit again. Yeap, the bleeding started again, even whilst being on the pill. Just this time is was coupled with the most severe cramps I have ever experienced. If I could compare it, it would def fit the description of a contraction. The heaviness of the pelvic area, the wave of excruciating pain and a sharper pain over the left ovary and my lower back region. This got me really worried.

With all things COVID and the financial burdens it has added on many of our shoulders, seeing a gynae was going to to harden the blow. Nothing less than R1000 for a consult plus whatever meds they were going to prescribe, which I was certain would include something to stop the bleeding, very expensive pills, and another batch of contraceptives, iron supplements and who knows what else.

I decided to research homeopathy instead. Honestly, I’ve never been a fan of feeding my body something synthetic to do what it is naturally supposed to do. So I was never a fan of any form of contraceptive. I’ve always gravitated to all things natural, from oil mixtures for my hair, to making home treatments for my face, the flu, green juices etc. I figured I have nothing to lose by just trying a more natural approach since the more conventional medicine routine didn’t help much.

I googled and found Dr Farzana Hansa based in Musgrave Durban and decided to visit. I was so impressed by her, she just had a wonderful aura and energy. I felt so calm around her. She was really concerned by how long I’d been bleeding for and made a concerted effort to create a time line for me, from family history of illnesses, to my illnesses, to physical concerns from head to toe, to emotional and mental check ins. As a side note I have been under an immense amount of stress from both my work and personal life. To the point where I find it difficult to just cope and manage. I feel so overwhelmed and to still be battling health issues…it becomes much even for strong people like myself. I had divulged all of this to her, including the loss of Mikail, the step admissions I mentioned earlier and all of my chronic illness etc. she even asked for medication intake frequently.

She started me on a regime to try to balance out the hormones and to manage the anxiety and stress. She prescribed 30 drops Ashwaghanda and Rhodliola drops with 30 drops of chasteberry drops in a 1/4 glass of water morning and evening. 5 drops of vitamin D drops every morning under the tongue and my very first homeopathic treatment called calc carb, to help with and manage the stress and moods and that’s 5 drops under the tongue every evening. All this with a probiotic, omega 3 and iron supplement.

My natural medicine regimen

She made me feel hopeful again as she said that there are lots of natural remedies to try but started off with this to see if it works. I am day 4 into the regime and have a check in with her next Friday. Let’s cross fingers and hope the bleeding calms. I have noticed a better quality of my sleep from day 2 but to date, the bleeding is still very heavy. The cramps however, are not as frequent and not as intense. For the four bottles of treatment ( Ashwagandha, Chasteberry, Vit D and the Calc Carb, I already had the other stuff, so she suggested to finish that off) with the consult, my bill was R1 045.00. Compared to what I would’ve paid had I visited a gynae. I was chuffed.

This is where I am at on my journey. I had an idea to try and document each milestone or encounter and really hope this may some how offer support to anyone else going through this. I know how lonely it gets going through this. Just know you are not alone and any other woman reading this, if you know if someone battling this, please make a concerted effort to check in with her every now and then, send anything like a positive message or upbeat song, to uplift a mood. Most often than not, just those small things helps us get through the day on some of our worst days.

Love and light always, from just an ordinary girl

Lifestyle, Love, life & everything's else in between, motivation and inspiration, personal, words

Petrichor: [Pet.Truh.Kaw]

Woke up to the sound of rain. A sound that I absolutely love. Came accross today’s word of the day and it ties in beautifully

Petrichor: An English word of Greek origin that refers to the earthly scent after it has rained on dry soil.

We always refer to ‘the smell of rain’ and how refreshing it is…. Turns out, there’s a word for it (=

Love and light always

COVID-19, Lifestyle, Love, life & everything's else in between, motivation and inspiration, personal, words

Eunoia [Yoo-Noy-uh] ° Greek

Eunoia: A word from Greek dialect that means: a pure and well balanced mind, a good spirit or beautiful thinking’.

It is a very difficult thing to unlearn; to unwire your brain of its negative default setting and to train it default to all things positive. It requires a calculated conscious effort. But like any muscle, once trained, you’re good to go.

Another word that is so relevant to what the world is going through right now. I am honestly in awe of these beautiful, unusual to many, words.

May we all strive towards eunoia.

Love and light always

Girl power, Lifestyle, Love, life & everything's else in between, motivation and inspiration, personal, quotes

MERAKI. [May. Rah. Kee].

MERAKI: a word derived from the Turkish word Merak and is a verb or adverb in modern Greek literature.

It refers to putting something of yourself into your work; soul, creativity and love.

Everything that we do contributes to our personal brand. Perceptions, assumptions and thoughts are conceived by how we present ourselves, be it through our appearance, manner in which we conduct ourselves (behaviour) or our work.

To merely do something for the sake of doing is like leading a life with no purpose or direction. What’s the point?

I say that It is for this reason, that we must do all things Meraki; with sincerity, passion, love, soul and creativity. Every piece of work we put out must have that personal touch. It must ooze authenticity. This is a message I echo to my team at work and it serves as a reminder to me.

So whether you’re in the arts, the Corporate world, medical field, or whether you’re a teacher, administrator, book keeper or even a call Centre agent… Do all things with Meraki.

Love and light always, from just an ordinary girl.

COVID-19, Girl power, Lifestyle, Love, life & everything's else in between, motivation and inspiration, personal, quotes

FIKA [Fee. Ka].

With the world going through lock down periods. It is uncertain times for us all and it becomes so easy to get lost in all the chaos.

Every minute of everyday we are exposed to information re: COVID-19. News feeds are bombarded with stats, breaking news, new laws, safety precautions, conspiracy theories, fake news and and and.

People are stressing about their family’s health, finances, kids education and job security. It all honestly becomes so overwhelming.

For me, I’ve made a personal decision to slow down. I hardly watch the news and just look out for the Presidents addresses or important info. I hardly speak about COVID-19 and purposely so and I try to live life as normal has possible.

I’ve looked for a deeper meaning to all of this. The bigger picture. As an essential worker, I get to go to work daily and that in its own is a blessing. It has been a tough few months and this lockdown served as a way for me to just take a step back and really focus on the good things.

Everymorning when I wake up, I thank God for everything he has blessed me with, from the bed that I sleep in, to the job that I still have secured, for keeping myself and family safe and even for my faith… You name it, I thank God for it. This act of gratitude honestly just puts the day in play.

I’ve seen many others do the same in their own way, mothers are able to spend more quality time with their kids and partners. Whereas pre COVID-19, there was barely any time. Parents get to try out and cook things they’ve never cooked before, whereas pre COVID-19, it was the quickest thing available to cook. Families are bonding, whereas pre COVID-19, it was each to their own. Earth is getting a break from human distruction; less pollution, less litter. Prayers are increasing and people are becoming more mindful of God.

We really have been granted FIKA and the choice is left to us to grab this moment. Slow it all down and just focus on the good things in life.

As a person who likes to have control over most things. I’ve learnt to take each day as it comes and to trust God more. I do more things with love. Have tasked myself to complete my vision board and stocked up on baking ingredients after months of procrastination.

Take your moment |Slow down | And start appreciating the good things in life.

There has never been a better time ✨✨

Love and light always

community work, health, Lifestyle, Love, life & everything's else in between

South African lock down: Co-vid19

|Courtesy of google|

It’s been a Hella crazy week. Being part of leadership in an Essential Services organization is no childs play. But looking back at the week we’ve had. I am immensely grateful for the organisation I work with and have a huge sense of pride. I am grateful for the work that we do.

With that being said, to the many people who are part of the lockdown…please abide by the rules of the lock down. You cannot be allowing your kids to play on the road or make use of communal spaces…. It goes against the need for the lock down. People should not be walking aimlessly or having parties, group sessions of any sort or inviting families over just to chill. Work with our police force and SANDF. They are out here sacrificing just to stand at the front line of combating the spread of this virus. Remember, that is someone’s father, husband, bread winner, or son.

Practice your precaution when going out to buy essentials. Sanatize when you’re out. Prevent touching your face. Be as quick as possible. Write a list. When you get home, disinfect everything. Wash your clothes in hot water and Sanatizer. Air your home by opening windows.

I urge you guys to make this time we have count. Use your 21 days to rehabilitate. Get out of bad habits. Form good ones. We’re always complaining that we have no time. We’re complain that we don’t get time to relax or spend time with kids.

You have that opportunity. You are in control of how you view this lockdown and spend this time. You are in control of how you will inspire and influence your families through this lockdown. This really could be the mid-year break you’ve been looking for, a chance to reinforce bonds, get in touch with your inner Gordon Ramsy or Picasso. Excersise. Read books, watch movies, legit Netflix and chill. Cook your own food. Rest your mind. The minute virus has the world bowing to it. Pray, practice gratitude. And in this time our earth gets to rest too.

This is the time that we all have to come together and work together to combat the spread of the virus. We all have a moral obligation to practice discipline. Stick to the rules of the lockdown. It starts with us just doing what we need to do. Share the things or ideas of things you are doing with your family. Cheer on and celebrate those essential services employees. Spread love and light during this very dark time.

It is said our ignorance will kill us, and if people still choose to be so careless, we are doomed.

There is always beauty in the struggle.

Love and light from just an ordinary essential services employee.

community work, health, Lifestyle, Love, life & everything's else in between

Co-vid19: SA – Divide and conquer successful

Divide and conqur.

Sigh, sadly that’s what’s happening with the whole co-vid19 pandemic, which to me is just Ludacris.

I’ve seen people go back and forth on social media re: the delay of the presidents address. Personally, I can imagine what a daunting task it must be; making decisions that jeopardize the health and safety of your people, their household income and the effects it will have on the economy. However, personally, if I knew I kept my people waiting previously, I would have consulted first and announced the address to the nation after. My view is premature in all fairness, as I do not know a thing of government processes work.

With that said, it really is besides the point. In a time like this, instead of dividing ourselves over something we have no control over (the president and his agendas) we should be coming to together just as strong as, or if not stronger than our opinions and look for ways forward that we all can come out of this or ways that we can help others less fortunate than us (be mindful or leaving things for other people to buy, address symptoms and get them checked, wash hands, social distancing ourselves (this is hard for me sjo but it is important) and spreading love and light).

When the outbreak initially occurred. I feared this would happen. We’re a developing country and countries ahead of us in technology, economy, leadership etc, couldn’t contain the virus. We called out DIRCO and the dept of health to find out why aren’t we educating people on this as much as we should, suggested the travel ban and begged for our SA citizens to be repatriated and after many arranged radio interviews, Facebook posts and emails… We fell short. It’s only now this is being taken seriously.

I do commend our government on the rapid response they’re now taking to #flattenthecurv however, part of me still feels its a very reactive approach by our country and WHO. Travel bans were supposed to be imposed then…. It would definately have not been this volatile. So yes, I do understand the frustration  of our people and the panic and fear.

So here’s what I think:

If people are posting things you don’t agree with, posting  false information or being ignorant and you decide to respond, respond by imparting knowledge and move on. The world needs all of our prayers, good vibes, positive energy and knowledge right now and it feels wasted if we’re going to bash people because either they don’t know any better or don’t agree with us.

We should be coming together as a nation and finding ways of combating this.

I’m also guilty of sometimes prematurely responding or not staying indoors all the time because most of these measures have been implemented by myself and my family from when my sister and her kids were facing this in China, months ago, and sometimes I feel I just need to get out. There is definately more I can do to play part in this, take a stronger stance on the social distantancing thing, create more awareness and educational posts and choose to be the light in these darks times.

Whether you believe this whole thing is a conspiracy theory, the devil at work, God testing us or God giving earth a break…we should be standing together.

That’s just my 2c on this.

Love and light always, from just an ordinary girl

Girl power, Love, life & everything's else in between, personal

Slamaat on your 7th birthday Mika’il

Every year anxiety kicks in mounting up to this day. For most of the year I manage to grieve you in silence and also celebrate you in some instances.

Happy birthday boy!

But on this day, the painful memories I usually try to block out, find a way to come flooding in and boy oh boy does it overwhelm me.

Today you would have been 7. I picture you waking up in your favourite Jaamies, bushy hair (like your mommas) and some missing teeth, I think it’s safe to say your milk teeth would have started to fall out. I picture you humble as ever, standing in front of a cake I would have probably been obsessing over for weeks, praying you’d like it. There would probably be balloons, lots of them, including a number 7 foil Balloon or with the letters of your name. Your party packs for school would have been packed and your gifts would have been stacked, all ready and waiting for you.

I picture myself being way more excited than you, singing your happy birthday song, making a Dua for you and then planting a gazillion kisses all over your precious face. If the love I have for you is this intense and I only carried and birthed you after close to 7 months, I can only imagine how much more intense it would have been over the years.

Slamaat on your 7th birthday Mikail. Today is a reminder of how much Allah really loves me. I’m reminded that I am a mother. I’m reminded that you are the fruit of my womb. I’m reminded that out of the billions of women around, I was chosen to mother you and take care of you. And whilst our time together was very short. You are the only person who has ever been so close to me, literally and figuratively. You’ve seen my heart and felt it beat from the inside. You’ve made me a mother and for that I am forever grateful. I feel so blessed even in the midst of the chaotic emotions I’m feeling this morning. You are an angel indeed just as your name suggests!

I know you’re safe where you are and hope you’re having a ball today son. I celebrate the time we shared together today, I cleanse my soul with the tears I cry because I still don’t think you deserved to go the way that you did and I remind myself that Allah knows best.

It’s only 6.30 and you have so many wishes already from all your aunts. You and I are truelly blessed.

So from your momma:

Here’s a kiss for every year that has passed 💋💋💋💋💋💋💋 slamaat baby boy. I love you.

Heavenly birthday wishes to my son, from just an ordinary mom.

Girl power, Love, life & everything's else in between, motivation and inspiration, personal

International Woman’s day – 2020

What a beautiful day

I allowed myself to take a walk down memory lane today. Stopped at every street corner and landmark and mellowed there for bit.

I reflected on the women in my life. Those that were around me all the time, the ones that raised. I remembered their stories and it legit gave me goosebumps. My Mar Una, my aunt Carol and my mum are the three women that I can honestly say have been the most influential and impactful.

Growing up and as kids, we always just saw the effortless smiles. We got happy for the tasty food and the beautiful clothes. What we weren’t exposed to, were the struggles that went behind awarding us those things.

My Mar una made school holidays and all our visits memorable. She was the glue that stuck our family together. Memories of all my cousins, uncles and her sitting around her brown coffee table playing cards or dominoes are my fondest. The laughter, the agony of losing and the good vibes, to this day warms my heart. She went out of her way to cook each person’s favorites and always did it with love. When I learned of the life she had lived, only after her passing, I couldn’t believe that someone who endured so much, could be so graceful and carry those burdens with effortlessly.

My Mar Una

My Aunty Carol. The aunty that was and still remains our second to my Mar Una. Always there to celebrate our victories and nurture our hurts and pain. She always ran our ‘mothers race’ at our school sports and made sure she won! Every hospital visit, every school award, she was there. Till today, she will accompany me to my doctors visits. Cook for me and our family functions and never complain. When I look back at all she’s endured in her personal life and with her health and I see her always willing to reach out and help others. I’m remimded at just how much God loves me for surrounding me with such strong and courageous woman….ever since my mars passing, she is the person that would do what my Mar would do for us.

My Aunty Carol (on the left)

My momma bear. Fiesty, goal-driven and brutally honest. A mom, in many cases, is a daughter’s best friend. She’s a daughters first nurturer, teacher and doctor. Growing up and becoming my own woman, I found myself clashing alot with my mom, sometimes judging her. Until God shows up and makes you endure stuff and then you look back and have a ‘now it makes semse’ moment. My mother has endured alot in her life time and till today, let’s nothing and no one stand in her way. Whilst I might not like it, but her being brutally honest has guided me and forced the hand of change in my life. What no one else has the guts to say, she does it effortless, but all from a place of love. No body, and I mean nobody can mess with her kids. And she is very vocal about that. She’s a hands on mom that gets things done and puts people in their rightful places. My mother loves hard. She pushes boundaries, she creates waves and she is influencial. She can be so delicate at times and at others can be so head strong. Her drill seagant ways of ensuring chores were done and on time and right way, has enabled me to run my own home effortlessly and when she thinks it’s not up to standard, best believe she will call me out. With all of this, she has moulded me into the woman I am today.

My Momma

Strong, courageous, fierce, passionate, persistent, queens… Are just a few characteristics of these three beautifully strong women! Women that i was raised by and who have had such positive influences over my life

So this international Womans day is dedicated to them. Remembering their struggles, celebrating their achievements and being inspired by their hustle and journey.

Love and light, from just an ordinary girl