Girl power, Lifestyle, Love, life & everything's else in between, motivation and inspiration, personal

I owe my freedom to…

This morning I had a conversation that really made me sit and think about life, my purpose, blessings, experiences and then also who made it all possible;

  • God
  • My parents
  • Circle of friends and family

Having celebrated freedom day yesterday, I feel this post is fitting.

I have no shame telling people my story; not because I want or expect pity or even to bad mouth anybody, but to create hope in knowing that with prayer and the right people you allow in, you can overcome any and all adversities.

I fell pregnant, married the love of my life at the time, sh%t went south, was abused, lost my son at birth, lost my gran a few months after, got cheated on, got a divorce, lost my other gran and all in the space of a year and few.

GOD

When I returned home, I returned dignityless, broke as broke could be and with buckets full of emotion and questions and hurts and pain. I questioned God, everyone who knows me knows I love children and that my love is unconditional… why would he take those two things away from me. I was okay with being abused and unhappy, I was okay with making God and my parents unhappy; as long as I was with him and had my son, I was okay. Can you begin to imagine our absurd that is?

Truth is, lots of women feel and think that way.

Having nothing else to do, I started finding God, researched religions, I needed to know about this power that could do such, at his will. And trust, it was the best decision of my life.

I am born Muslim, but today I sit here saying that I choose to be Muslim. Upon reading and researching, I began to pray, at early hours of the morning. I would cry and ask God to pacify my heart because the pain was unbearable. I hid it well, maybe because of pride or even embarrassment? But I hid it well.

My perspective changed and I read about how babies who pass away will intercede for their mums on judgement day, I learnt that those who are favoured by God, are tested… I mean look at all the prophets and what they endured? I learned how women are valued in Islam and how we should be treated, and so I started expecting nothing less.

I became stronger and started seeing my blessings, my courage-meter started rising and rebuilding and reforming myself was what I began to do. Perhaps losing all that I lost, forced me to get closer to God; he is a jealous God after all. Perhaps it strengthened me to leave the toxic environment that I and him (my ex hubby) created. Perhaps Mika’il was an angel sent to save me from myself, so that I could find my purpose and fulfill it….

PARENTS

The beings we often take for granted. I come from an average background. Whilst we weren’t as poor as others I know, there were days we went with the bare minimum and everything we owned was worked for; sweat and tears literally.

Part of high school fees were sponsored and I remember taking lemon creams for a cake sale (in a private school with rich brats) because that’s all my dad could afford, they obviously pushed it aside because it weren’t as good for them as their novelty cakes.I couldn’t care less about them but felt more loved than anything, because MY DAD took his last and bought that for me.

My parents gave my siblings and I the best they had @ 100%… selfless, imperfect beings that were going through their own adversities but put our needs first. They made sure that we grew up with sound education and religion knowledge especially because they couldn’t teach us themselves… they only knew so much.

I look at them both today; Mum studied and is now a senior manager for one of SAs leading retailers and my dad, so religious inclined its unbelievable. My mum worked as a casual worker for EIGHT years before she became permanent. Yet she persevered. My dad was all things naughty, he drank, drugged, was affiliated with one of the most popular gangs in Durban but when my sister was born, he began his journey. Leaving school in grade 8, he now works independently as a tiler, being his own boss and growing in character and knowledge day by day.

With these two as an example… how could I quit? Sure we had and still have problems, but all families do. My parents are real-life examples of how perseverance, hard work and prayer can pull you out of any situation. And so I aspire to be just like them.

⭕️ OF FRIENDS AND FAMILY

My mum always told us to choose our friends wisely, back then it made no sense. Today, as 28 year old…it makes perfect sense. Science says that you become like the five closest people to you. Religion says that you should be wary of the company you keep… surely Mum, science and God cannot be wrong. You see, humans feed off each other in a non-parasitic way. We feed off energies. If you’re around negative, non-spiritual, uninspired folk…you will soon become just like them. On the flip side, if you affiliate yourself with people who are positive,warriors, those who know God and practice their faith each day and those who aspire to do many great things… it’s only a matter of time before you become just like that too.

I have had amazing people in and around my circle over the years. Ive had the best religious examples around me and I’ve had the most goal-driven people in my space. There was no way they were going to allow me to cave permanently.

They encouraged me when giving up was the easiest thing to do after days, weeks and months with internal battles and battling the trauma and adversities I been battling for so long. I was encouraged to pray and get closer to my creator, I was encouraged to re-wire my brain to look at the positives in every situation. I was pushed to set goals and boundaries for myself.

Today I sit here, looking back at yesterday; freedom day, and pondering over who was responsible for my freedom and they are:

  • God
  • My folks
  • My circle

Through my adversities I was reminded how highly blessed and favored I was and still am.

It’s 2018, 4-5 years after everything has happened and whilst it was not and still isn’t an easy road. I am way better off from where I started. I have achieved the littlest of things that made the hugest difference and I continue soaring and fighting on like the warrior God made me to be.

I am not where I want to be, I’m not Gods most loyal servant, I’m far from perfect. I’m miles away from financial freedom. But I am free. I am still. I am persevering and My faith is unshakable.

Love and light always; from just an ordinary girl

*all pictures are sourced from google*

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community work, Love, life & everything's else in between, personal

Co-operation- lifeguard edition

I feel obliged to write this post and urge every reader to please share. Especially since beach trips are more popular as we enter the hottest periods of our summer season.

My heart is so heavy right now as for me also, this was just another Sunday afternoon trip to the beach to relax…

Sadly it turned out tragically. We witnessed the most devoted, selfless acts of multiple lifeguards, battling a rescue boat to this extremely rough and angry sea, trying to save a child drowning 😦

After multiple defeats to the high and rather rough waves, they managed to bring the little girls body to shore.

It’s been a good 15minutes since and they are still trying to revive her. Doctors that were walking the promenade stopped to assist and multiple rescue teams responded with in minutes, we pray for this little girls survival.

The point of this post is to urge each and every single one of you reading this, to please co-operate with the life-guard teams.

If they tell you to stop swimming, please respond to the command and vacate the water, these guys and girls are highly trained and know the sea and it’s capabilities better than you and I.

Parents, seeing you kids frolicking in the water during our summer season is a delight to the heart and sight however, in a blink of an eye it can turn tragic.

When waves are extremely high, refrain from standing or walking on the piers, a wave swept this little girl off the pier ☹️

Please assist your local life guard team. It really is only yours and your loved ones best interest they gave at heart.

Co-operation is key folks, they really aren’t just trying to spoil your fun.

A heart-felt piece, from just an ordinary girl.

Lifestyle, Love, life & everything's else in between, personal

#DFH #61

Dear future husband,

It’s exam time and again, I’m on the no carb no sugar run (yeah yeah it’s about the third time- no judgement) AND Aunty Suzzie is over for the week, so please bare with me.

My levels of cranky are gonna be escalated. Please take any random outbursts with a pinch of salt and don’t take it personal but take it personal, I know you understand what I mean 😊

Thanking you in advance for your patience.

Xx

Your future wife 

Love, life & everything's else in between, motivation and inspiration, personal

#QOTD #49

Been having a particularly tough time managing my stresses, especially at work. Generally, positive thinking is what I do, it’s my natural approach to anything I face. 

However, of late it’s becoming more and more difficult for me to do. This is a very dangerous space to be in, especially for me because I’ve worked so hard to get out of a verg negative era of my life. 

So amongst other things, I’ve been perusing online in hope to come across something that would spark some sought of positivity within… 

Bubblegum characters always lighten up my soul

… to shed some light in what seems to be a very dark space, I came across these bubblegum figures and this quote: (God bless the written word and the writers who write them)

” The darkest hour has only 60 minutes “

~ Morris Mandel 

Right?! 

This quote got me pondering instantly. It reassured me that nothing in this life time is ever permanent and that even dark times have their expiry dates. #aameen

I remember reading that actions derive from thoughts. This stuck with me and will continue to stick with me as I journey through this thing called life. 

This is why, when I think about more negative than positive things, I frantically search for something, anything, just to change my thought process.

I think it’s essential that we do this before we get consumed. Seems like this quote and my bubble gang are  my life lines for today, tomorrow shall see for itself.


♥️ and 🌈 from just an ordinary stressed out girl! 

Love, life & everything's else in between, motivation and inspiration, personal

#QOTD #47


Today I had a rather interesting and rather challenging interaction with somebody. This interaction inspired the quote of today and I hope this quote will help you, especially in situations that may evoke anger.

I say an Interesting interaction because it’s amazing to see how an ego trip can literally make a person feel entitled to the point of belittling a fellow human being, one whom they’ve never met…

I say it was an Interesting interaction because we’re so consumed with being “seen” in a certain light amongst other people, that we would literally go to extreme lengths to achieve a specific label or just to prove a point… to somebody who you probably never speak to again in your life! ( pathetic I know! )

I describe the interaction as Challenging, because those who know me, know that I am very verbal. Because I hate bottling things in, I say how I feel then and there… and well then it’s done, no festering of volatile emotions, no venom infecting my spirituality, zilch! 

This isn’t always helpful in situations and over the years, I’ve learnt that there’s a time and place for everything and also that not every battle needs to be fought. 

I’m generally a no-nonsense kinda girl and still have emotional triggers that can cause me to become temprimental. One of these triggers are idiots who feel patronizing somebody else just to execute power is ok by speaking to folk in a condescing tone. I promise you! I can literally go from lady to a savage  beast in 0.5seconds when I witness this. 

Today? I was on the receiving end. But I was pleasantly surprised at how I handled the situation. I suppose it comes with the numerous attempts of trying to be a better, stronger version of myself. A version that plays this game called life by God and my rules only

My intellect was questioned, my competencies were faulted, I was insulted and this person was just a rude, arrogant, shovenist who couldn’t get his own way and so typically started throwing his toys out the cot.  ..this is an example of a typical “man” in our generation. #sigh

And How did I respond?

With a smile and  “it’s your opinion and I respect it”

I think this ticked him off even more because he realized that that’s all it is, an opinion. One he clearly felt strongly about. I suppose I challenged him because he didn’t respond to what I was actually saying, but rather responded by insulting my capabilities. 

And it was actually ok. Even though i had to work harder at some points during our interaction to keep my composure. All I wanted to do was tell him exactly what I thought of men of his caliber.

I finally learnt what is it not to be  reduced by others. I experienced what victory  felt like because as much as he left that convo feeling like he was the don…it had to take him numerous blows to try to get the reaction he was looking for, which he didn’t end up getting.

And this brings us to the quote of the day:

“He who angers you, controls you”

~ Prophet Muhamed ( may Peace and blessings be upon him) 

It’s an amazing feeling seeing the fruits of my spiritual journey. I love the woman I’m evolving into and whilst it may not always be 🌹s and 🌈s, this feeling of the victory I felt is one I can enjoy getting used to.


No person is worth you dropping your standards, especially when you’re being used to brush their ego. You deserve to sit on your throne and to not be shaken or moved by irrelevant people. 

…Because he who angers you,  literally controls you and really, they  don’t deserve that kind of power over you! 

Love and light always, from just an ordinary girl h

Love, life & everything's else in between, personal

Happy 4th birthday Mik


As I write out this post to wish you, the  tears automatically fill my eyes. Which is normal for me.

Slamaat on your 4th birthday my son. I have no doubt that the angels are making your day a special one, atleast I hope they heard my prayers and are doing so because you deserve nothing but the best.

I know I would have woken you up already to the birthday song with candles lit. I would have been  planting a gazillion kisses on your face and then would have made the most heart-felt dua and wish for you. 

Our moment was snatched away but the Almighty knows best l.  I’m trying to celebrate you and so this is the first birthday of yours that I didn’t take leave. Your mama is gonna get dressed up for your birthday and is going to try to celebrate it. It’s just so hard. And I’m just so emotional, so cross your little fingers and let’s hope all goes according to plan. 


May you be wrapped in love and light until we meet again boytjie. You will always be a huge part of the woman I’ve become today. Thank you for making me a mother. I love you with my all Xx

Happy 4th birthday my baby 

Love, life & everything's else in between, motivation and inspiration, personal

The pain 

Tears well up. 

It’s the overfloweth of my cup. 

How ironic because my soul feels empty. Its yearning for you to be here. With me. 

Emotions are peeking. 

I swear it’s a side effect of my soul seeking. You! 

It’s worse than having a knife put through your back, that kind of pain will eventually heal. 

This pain, demands for me to feel. Oh but how I miss you Mika’il.

The loss of a son. 

Bleeds more than the shot from a gun. 

It’s a pain I will be reminded of for the rest of my life. 

I would really have preferred the pain of that knife. 

I wish that Gods breath of life remained in your soul. It would make my life purpose-filled. Whole. 

Perhaps life would be easier if you were here see, Merrier. Happier . Happy her. (Me!)

I know you’re above beyond the clouds. 

You will always remain in my heart. Vows! 

Till we meet again son. Rest In Peace. 

With oceans of love, your mum❤ cease.