Growing up coloured has come with a lot of pros; Diversity. Tolerance. Tradition. One that stood out for me is that I got to experience and see more than one culture due to my blood line; Cape Malay, Indian, German and African.
I was raised and taught tolerance and respect for all people, irrespective of race, colour, creed, religion and even physical appearance. I was raised to be loud and proud and to own who I am; to stand firm for the things I believe in; to love; to pray; to smile through adversities. I was raised to help the next person, offer my seat to the Aunty hopping onto the bus or taxi or helping her with her parcels. I was taught to respect people. To be gracious and laughter and happiness were norms.
But growing up coloured, wasn’t that much of an issue as is being coloured in this present day.
I, being a coloured women, get more compliments on my hair and skin tone by random strangers more than someone sincerely greeting just because it’s a nice gesture or out our courtesy. It’s pretty much the only time of day most people would give, to interact with me, both men and women.
I, being coloured, am not “allowed” to love for love’s sake. Apparently there’s an unwritten rule about who I’m allowed to love and who I’m not. I’m subjected to vile comments from women of other races or cultures should I fall in love with someone outside my own race or culture. “You coloured women steal our good black men” … is the common one I’ve been told.
I, being coloured, am labeled automatically. Drink, smoke, drug, party and often get asked how many kids I have, as if it’s something expected and normal. People get shocked when I tell them I don’t do any of the above and I think to myself, even if I did, it’s my prerogative… what does it have to do with race?
I, being coloured, am often labeled as lost, or a product of rape, stupid, ambition-less and “uncultured” I’m often noticed but only because of my big thighs, big hair, light skin tone or because I’m simply labeled as “easy”. I mean if I’m coloured I’m not human and feelings are things I don’t have right? I mean I am just a product of rape.
But what’s even more alarming, is that my own race and species of women… make my life that much more difficult. God forbid I be happy with someone… then it’s “I’m eating his money” or “I’ll never be happy” or ” I’m no different” or “they won’t last”.
Let me achieve a goal; buy a house, car or even get a promotion and first thoughts are things so ludacris, like people questioning whether I really bought a house or car or comments like “she slept her way to the top”… lol. I’m often left in awe when I over hear such.
Are coloured women not able to fend for themselves? Are we not able to excel in life? Are we not capable of setting goals and achieving them… ON OUR OWN? Are we not worthy of another human being, besides our family and friends’, loving? Are we not allowed to have healthy minds and souls?
We nag about how others label us but we label our own like this?
Well this is what I have to say.
Sisters, coloured or not! I am an independent woman, I know struggle and I’ve TKO’d pain, I work hard and study hard and do what I need to do to get where I need to be. I’m ambitious and goal driven and sure as hell make my own Mandela’s. I love people and that’s not on condition of colour, creed or race. My hair and skin tone does not and will never define who I am. I am a warrior, a product of God and him alone. I only bring the best and so I often expect the best.
Brothers, I’m no piece of meat. I will not stoop to levels of flings and affairs. I will be that women that will degrade if you even think of DM’ing me, asking for a picture or becoming frisky when I know you have a partner.
You may not like me, but you sure as hell will respect me because I earn mine and because I’m sound in knowing who I am and what I’m worth. Trust! God made no mistake when he made me.
Nobody will ever understand the extent to which this affects some of us. We either deal it with well or in most cases hide it very well. But it’s about time we have these discussions. It’s about time that we pave the way for further generations and teach love, respect, appreciation, tolerance and gratitude. It’s time that we teach our kids to have sound, open minds and warm hearts. Time that we teach them about God and the things, ways and attributes that he loves. Not about race BS and the things that oppressed our people.
I am a coloured woman and if that means that I’m a product of rape… well then a product of rape has never looked this good!
Slamaat on your fifth birthday Mika’il, may the angels sing for you and may you have a ball up there with all of your heavenly friends. I love you boy and never will I ever forget you and how precious you were!
Every year I tell myself that I need to be strong and that I shouldn’t cry or mourn the birth/passing of my son.
Each year, I feel stronger. Whilst I still randomly think of him and how he’d be, what milestones he would have achieved and what his favourite thing to do would be, I smile more.
Until his birthday.
My boy would have been five today. I barely slept having this unsettled feeling. The morning dawned and the memories of the awful day came flashing through, my heart sank and the tears can’t be controlled.
No person will really understand it unless they’ve been through it. We are told not to cry and that they’re better off and well that’s true… but it isn’t that simple.
I commend those moms who have lost kids and still keep their strong, keep pushing forward, keep smiling and keep inspiring. The moms who have had more kids and are still able to give and give and give. You women are power!
May the almighty bring comfort to us all and may we all be reunited with our little angels one day.
So today, I’m sharing a quote that came to me whilst I was writing this post. I’ve been seeing the behavior of some women outchea together with doing some self reflection and that got me 💭. So here it goes…
If you know me, you’d know that I am all about empowering people, women especially. I believe us women are Devine species, we have power. We birth nations. We subtle yet fierce. We are plan makers. We’re strong, both emotionally and physically. We endure with a smile and well the list of how awesome I think we are can go on for days.
We often are quick to call out men and deem them trash, some of whom rightly deserve such tags. But let me tell you about the two kinds of women on this earth because honestly, some of us are beneath trash!
You get the woman who knows her power, she knows that she can do what men can do, but chooses not to because she knows that her Devine purpose was not to be like men. She knows that her devine purpose is to be something more powerful; support, companionship, compassion, fierce, teachers of the home, of the nation!
What she does, she knows that nobody, not even men can do. She knows that men have a purpose and so do women and so she’s only concerned with being the best she can be in fulfilling that purpose. (I aspire to be just like this)
Then you get the woman who THINKS she knows her power and Inturn misuses it. The one who judges and looks down upon her fellow sisters, the one who is more consumed with being in competition for worldly things than actually getting her eish in order. The one who is arrogant and feels like the world owes her. The one who will encourage ruthless behavior just to prove a point to validate herself. ( I’m guilty of some of these things, I never encourage ruthless behavior and I don’t compete though!)
Women can destroy, as easily as they can build nations.
We will never be equal to men because then we’d need to be compared to them and really! There’s no comparison.
Men were put on this earth to carry out their own set of purposes; head their homes, provide for their families, Protect their loved ones, Persue their person of honour etc. It really wouldn’t be fair to compare!
If we can just go back to the basics (of understanding men and women were put on this earth for different purposes) for a second, lots of things can be changed. It’s effects can be powerful.
If we can raise women who know their power as opposed to thinking they know their power or misusing it, things like affairs, divorces, broken homes etc. will minimize. If we go back to being okay with what our sole purpose is, and force men into fulfilling what they’ve been put on this earth to do (by not settling for less) we would not have the repercussions of kids acting out coz their fathers are nowhere to be seen. Abuse to women and children will minimize and the world will just be a more respectful place to live in. Utopian you may say? I say say it starts with you and I.
Imagine, all this lies in the power of a woman and the choice of how she will use her God-given power.
And no honey, God will never send you somebody else’s husband. Having an affair should not give your airs and graces about yourself. You should not feel like you’ve “won” because men aren’t prizes, and your fellow women are not your enemies. Also, gaining anything in this world on anything but merit should not make you feel proud.
Always think, if what you do to others were to be done unto you, how would you feel. If it’s not good, you know what to do.
|Love yourself |respect yourself |Own your power |Go!
What does women’s day mean to you?
Is it just another public holiday… Or not? Is it just another day to get wasted or to sleep? Or is it a day that should make us at the very least sit and ponder about how grateful we should be for the women in our lives.
It is said, and I concur, that a women has the ability to birth and lead nations. She is compassion. She is love. She is fierce. She is gentle. She is kind. She is the perfect balance. She is a teacher. A nurse. A social worker. A helper. She is a kid, A gran, mum, daughter, she is a friend, a coach. She is a super human. She is gracious. She is a believer, a multiplier. She is strength personified. She is a rock.
A women is not her figure, the curl in her hair or the color of her skin. She is not the gap between her thighs, her eye brows or the dimples on her face. She is not the clothes she wears or the cars she drives. She is not her profile picture or the pose she strikes. She is not a punching bag, a slave or inferior to anybody.
Women, know your worth… Because if you don’t nobody else will and it can become very easy for anybody to take advantage of you.
Live in love. Live in kind. Live in God. Walk with purpose and be not chained by the conformities of society.
You are unique. you are beautiful. You are worth it and you are equal.
A very happy women’s day to each and every woman out there.