Girl power, Lifestyle, Love, life & everything's else in between, motivation and inspiration, personal

Coloureds: A product of rape they say

My heritage |images sourced from google|

Growing up coloured has come with a lot of pros; Diversity. Tolerance. Tradition. One that stood out for me is that I got to experience and see more than one culture due to my blood line; Cape Malay, Indian, German and African.

I was raised and taught tolerance and respect for all people, irrespective of race, colour, creed, religion and even physical appearance. I was raised to be loud and proud and to own who I am; to stand firm for the things I believe in; to love; to pray; to smile through adversities. I was raised to help the next person, offer my seat to the Aunty hopping onto the bus or taxi or helping her with her parcels. I was taught to respect people. To be gracious and laughter and happiness were norms.

But growing up coloured, wasn’t that much of an issue as is being coloured in this present day.

I, being a coloured women, get more compliments on my hair and skin tone by random strangers more than someone sincerely greeting just because it’s a nice gesture or out our courtesy. It’s pretty much the only time of day most people would give, to interact with me, both men and women.

I, being coloured, am not “allowed” to love for love’s sake. Apparently there’s an unwritten rule about who I’m allowed to love and who I’m not. I’m subjected to vile comments from women of other races or cultures should I fall in love with someone outside my own race or culture. “You coloured women steal our good black men” … is the common one I’ve been told.

I, being coloured, am labeled automatically. Drink, smoke, drug, party and often get asked how many kids I have, as if it’s something expected and normal. People get shocked when I tell them I don’t do any of the above and I think to myself, even if I did, it’s my prerogative… what does it have to do with race?

I, being coloured, am often labeled as lost, or a product of rape, stupid, ambition-less and “uncultured” I’m often noticed but only because of my big thighs, big hair, light skin tone or because I’m simply labeled as “easy”. I mean if I’m coloured I’m not human and feelings are things I don’t have right? I mean I am just a product of rape.

But what’s even more alarming, is that my own race and species of women… make my life that much more difficult. God forbid I be happy with someone… then it’s “I’m eating his money” or “I’ll never be happy” or ” I’m no different” or “they won’t last”.

Really?!

Let me achieve a goal; buy a house, car or even get a promotion and first thoughts are things so ludacris, like people questioning whether I really bought a house or car or comments like “she slept her way to the top”… lol. I’m often left in awe when I over hear such.

Are coloured women not able to fend for themselves? Are we not able to excel in life? Are we not capable of setting goals and achieving them… ON OUR OWN? Are we not worthy of another human being, besides our family and friends’, loving? Are we not allowed to have healthy minds and souls?

We nag about how others label us but we label our own like this?

Well this is what I have to say.

Sisters, coloured or not! I am an independent woman, I know struggle and I’ve TKO’d pain, I work hard and study hard and do what I need to do to get where I need to be. I’m ambitious and goal driven and sure as hell make my own Mandela’s. I love people and that’s not on condition of colour, creed or race. My hair and skin tone does not and will never define who I am. I am a warrior, a product of God and him alone. I only bring the best and so I often expect the best.

Brothers, I’m no piece of meat. I will not stoop to levels of flings and affairs. I will be that women that will degrade if you even think of DM’ing me, asking for a picture or becoming frisky when I know you have a partner.

You may not like me, but you sure as hell will respect me because I earn mine and because I’m sound in knowing who I am and what I’m worth. Trust! God made no mistake when he made me.

Nobody will ever understand the extent to which this affects some of us. We either deal it with well or in most cases hide it very well. But it’s about time we have these discussions. It’s about time that we pave the way for further generations and teach love, respect, appreciation, tolerance and gratitude. It’s time that we teach our kids to have sound, open minds and warm hearts. Time that we teach them about God and the things, ways and attributes that he loves. Not about race BS and the things that oppressed our people.

I am a coloured woman and if that means that I’m a product of rape… well then a product of rape has never looked this good!

Love and light always fam

From just an ordinary girl

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Love, life & everything's else in between, motivation and inspiration, personal

#QOTD #49

Been having a particularly tough time managing my stresses, especially at work. Generally, positive thinking is what I do, it’s my natural approach to anything I face. 

However, of late it’s becoming more and more difficult for me to do. This is a very dangerous space to be in, especially for me because I’ve worked so hard to get out of a verg negative era of my life. 

So amongst other things, I’ve been perusing online in hope to come across something that would spark some sought of positivity within… 

Bubblegum characters always lighten up my soul

… to shed some light in what seems to be a very dark space, I came across these bubblegum figures and this quote: (God bless the written word and the writers who write them)

” The darkest hour has only 60 minutes “

~ Morris Mandel 

Right?! 

This quote got me pondering instantly. It reassured me that nothing in this life time is ever permanent and that even dark times have their expiry dates. #aameen

I remember reading that actions derive from thoughts. This stuck with me and will continue to stick with me as I journey through this thing called life. 

This is why, when I think about more negative than positive things, I frantically search for something, anything, just to change my thought process.

I think it’s essential that we do this before we get consumed. Seems like this quote and my bubble gang are  my life lines for today, tomorrow shall see for itself.


♥️ and 🌈 from just an ordinary stressed out girl! 

Love, life & everything's else in between, personal

Dear son 

It’s just one day before your birthday. And you should know by now how emotional I get. Flashbacks and memories of when it all happened.

If you were here, I know I would have been running around frantic looking for the final touches to whatever I would have had planned for you for tomorrow. 

You would have been 4. Imagine! Such a grown boy. 

I sometimes sit and imagine the kind of love-filled stares I’d be giving you when you asleep or think of all the gratified thoughts I would think when you do the darndest of things. I still imagine who you’d like, how your hair would have been and whose eyes you’d have.

Lots has happened over the passed year. I’ve met with your dad and glad to say that that has all been resolved. I’ve written “dear john’s” and burnt them, letting go of all the negativity and I’ve distanced myself from people who really don’t add anything but drama to my life. You give me all this courage in your own little way.

I made an intention to visit your grave for your birthday but financially that isn’t possible right now. I will be coming soon. I think I’m getting stronger, I’ve closed chapters of my life for good as I said before, by confrontation as well as small symbolic things. I also finally finished your baby book. 
I know it’s sometimes selfish of me to keep on doing this but writing is your mother’s go-to place. Your Ma never understands why I come to write here because she believes it doesn’t need to be posted. But you will never understand how posting this soothes me and it really is only with intention that other mommies who have lost their precious bundles know that they aren’t alone.

Thoughts of you  have been flooding my mind , like it does religiously this time of year. 

I have no doubt that you’re safer wherever you are right now than if you were here with me so for that I’m grateful.

Rest assured, I will be back putting pen to paper or rather my fingers to this keyboard wishing you a very happy birthday in a few.

Rest well my special boy❤️❤️

Love, life & everything's else in between, personal

#DFH

Ever heard the saying “you need to put things out to the Unviverse“?

Well I don’t know about the universe part coz I would just ask God but I’m gonna put my thought and expectations for my next marriage to my future husband, where ever he may be. 

I’m going to tell him, what I feel, what I like , what I expect , our perfect date night or argument even and how things are going to be. 

He can’t say then, that I never told  him right? Right! 😁

So, if you would like to join me , say whatever you feel, inner most thoughts and fantasies, date ideas and all that jazz , then post up and hashtag #dearfuturhusband or #DFH

Well wishes always 

From just an ordinary girl 😁

Love, life & everything's else in between, motivation and inspiration, personal

 50 shades of messed up…


I’m hurt, I’m angry, I’m anxious, I’m unsettled, I’m hopeless, I’m mad, I’m sad. I’m empty, I’m undeserving, I’m failing, I’m falling, I’m crushing, I’m stuck, I’m needing, I’m wanting. 


Then I’m happy, I’m hopeful, positive, I’m optimistic, I’m full, I’m enough , I’m learning, I’m progressing. I’m goaling, I’m moving Forward. Does it make any sense?! These internal wars feel like they’re killing me softly. 

The confusion is making me go insane. How does it stop?  Isn’t it weird how one moment you can be at such peace and the next your world is turning upside down? 

I forgot how painful this is. I think I got so used to blocking things out that now that I need to deal with the reality of things, I feel like I’m at begin again just that this time It feels ten times worse AND i didn’t even get R200 for passing😏Talk about a lose lose sigh. 

Logic tells me one thing but then emotions sometime just gets the better of me.

Joys of being gullible and sentimental I suppose. I just need my head, heart and gut to all be aligned like they were. Why is it so hard.

Oh Allah, I need your help. Can you take over now! Is the end of this era anywhere near? 

Confusion of just an ordinary girl 

Love, life & everything's else in between, motivation and inspiration, personal

The tiniest of acts have largest impact❤️

My heart broke into a million pieces last evening. My parents , aunties and I went to see my Uncle who isn’t “doing too well”. He has galloping cancer and yeah… You guys can pretty much make out the rest. 

This trip moved me. And really made me sit and think about all of the things that we take for granted. That casual chat with mum or dad, the random jokes that leave you in stitches, those intimate family moments that we tend to feel “arggg ” about.

We take it all for granted yet this family, is holding onto those because they don’t know when it could be their last moment 🙁

Why is it that regret is stronger than gratitude? Why is it that we tend to take so many things for granted? Why is life sometimes so unfair. I barely know this Uncle of mine, and now I’m asking, why must it take a situation like this for me to visit or for family to spend time together!?

My uncle inspired me… In a space that literally is taking a toll on him  ,the only thing he spoke about is his family and his God. If anything, HE has a reason to be angry, to question God… But how strong is his faith that his God and his family are still the things dearest to him and that is keeping him going. #blesshim. He’s praying and is remaining hopeful and I pray that we all get to a point where God is our be all and end all.
Hearing him and my uncle from Australia speak on the phone; their bond is admirable and I was at the slightest, envious that their generation of cousins are so close and ours is well…

Today was just what I needed. That visit spoke to me in ways I needed to be spoken to. It touched my soul  and whispered to my heart. 

Let’s speak to a person as opposed to sending a text or call. Time invested in those you love can never be deemed as “wasted”. Let’s start spreading love openly, tell mum, dad, sissy, bro, friend, hubby, wifey, grans and gramps just how much you love them. Smile more, hug more, laugh more. It really is these simple gestures that our world is lacking.


I pray for healing for this uncle of mine and for his pain to be removed. I pray for my Aunty and cousins; for the strength and their peace. I pray for our generation… Instead of worrying if your legs touch or eyebrows match, or the price tags to your clothes, car or house… Let’s worry about the things that actually matter and that would matter even if those things get taken away. I pray for peace and comfort for the entire universe. By the permission n the almighty’s grace, Ameen! 

Start today, start with you♥️🙏🏼Thank you Uncle Marcel!

Posted by just an ordinary girl.

Xx