Every year anxiety kicks in mounting up to this day. For most of the year I manage to grieve you in silence and also celebrate you in some instances.
But on this day, the painful memories I usually try to block out, find a way to come flooding in and boy oh boy does it overwhelm me.
Today you would have been 7. I picture you waking up in your favourite Jaamies, bushy hair (like your mommas) and some missing teeth, I think it’s safe to say your milk teeth would have started to fall out. I picture you humble as ever, standing in front of a cake I would have probably been obsessing over for weeks, praying you’d like it. There would probably be balloons, lots of them, including a number 7 foil Balloon or with the letters of your name. Your party packs for school would have been packed and your gifts would have been stacked, all ready and waiting for you.
I picture myself being way more excited than you, singing your happy birthday song, making a Dua for you and then planting a gazillion kisses all over your precious face. If the love I have for you is this intense and I only carried and birthed you after close to 7 months, I can only imagine how much more intense it would have been over the years.
Slamaat on your 7th birthday Mikail. Today is a reminder of how much Allah really loves me. I’m reminded that I am a mother. I’m reminded that you are the fruit of my womb. I’m reminded that out of the billions of women around, I was chosen to mother you and take care of you. And whilst our time together was very short. You are the only person who has ever been so close to me, literally and figuratively. You’ve seen my heart and felt it beat from the inside. You’ve made me a mother and for that I am forever grateful. I feel so blessed even in the midst of the chaotic emotions I’m feeling this morning. You are an angel indeed just as your name suggests!
I know you’re safe where you are and hope you’re having a ball today son. I celebrate the time we shared together today, I cleanse my soul with the tears I cry because I still don’t think you deserved to go the way that you did and I remind myself that Allah knows best.
It’s only 6.30 and you have so many wishes already from all your aunts. You and I are truelly blessed.
So from your momma:
Here’s a kiss for every year that has passed 💋💋💋💋💋💋💋 slamaat baby boy. I love you.
Heavenly birthday wishes to my son, from just an ordinary mom.