Many women, people in fact, go through some sought of heart break. The kind that leaves you, at the time, with no other choice but to be guarded. Guardered where you love from a distance, where you put yourself out there but only show people what you want people to see. The smile, fiesty attitude. The bling, money, cars or IDGAF attitude. It leaves you guarded where, when folk get too close, you act out and do things to push em away…because of the fear of getting hurt or feeling that heart ache again.
I’ve recently made a decision to no longer let that very fear, strip me of the things that could possibly make me the happiest. I’ve made a decision to not let that fear control my life by controlling my decisions.
The people or persons who have caused us that heart ache are out there living their lives, moving on, and we’re always the ones left putting the pieces of the puzzle together, alone. But that’s not such a bad thing. Because we’re victors not victims. We are built for come backs. (Can I get an Amen)
You see, pain is inevitable and demands to be felt. But even pain, makes for the best teacher. One learns that the quickest way out of pain, is through it. So take ya time and work through it.
Question: Does the person who caused you any pain deserve to still control your life long after they’re gone?
And I’m guessing youre answer will be HELL NAH, they’ve done enough! Yeah?
Well that’s the answer I’m looking for because they shouldn’t have that privellage. . . They shouldn’t have the privellage of guaranteeing or smirking at the fact that you won’t let anybody too close because of the fear of getting hurt again. They shouldn’t have the privellage of thinking that they’re irreplaceable and that they would never have to deal with you actually moving on and being happy and inturn them losing you. If anything, they should be feeling all of the above more!
By living in the fear of being hurt again, you pretty much allowing them to keep that power. You allow them to have that control of not pursuing the things that make YOU happy.
Let this be the day that you start controlling what impact pain has on your life and not give pain the power to control what impact it has on you.
Let this be the day that you go back to being the best version of yourself, the uneffed version, the version that wants to be loved and wants to love freely. The version that never compromised on anything that you did.
Let this be the day that you face that fear and you tell that fear that it will no longer rule your life , that you’re boss and you’re in control.
Know, that this will not guarentee that you won’t get hurt again, so let that not be the expectation but, choosing happiness and a fearless life may actually be the one shot you’ve been waiting for. What more do you have to lose? They’ve already stripped you of everything before.
I never thought I’d be in this space, where I’d wear my heart on my sleeve again. Where I’d write poetry expressing my gratitude or actually introducing him to the people closest to me. But here I am, with no guarantee that the love I’ve recently found is going to last but I’m here, loving sincerely like I would before, writing that poetry and enjoying the happiness, the gratitude, the countless attempts of him showing me how special I am to him. I’m here ready to fight like I never had, to rewire all the eish in my head and heart. I’m here ready to give this love a fair chance, to compromise, communicate, and just to love with no condition.
I’m present and opening up myself to the blessings the almighty has put before me. I’m here opening up my heart and my soul to the happiness and respect and love and joy and the peace that my soul deserves and if it’s doesn’t work out? I can Atleast say “hey, I gave the best of me and this too shall pass once the lesson that’s meant to be taught is learnt”
My name is Tasneem, I’ve lived through abuse, the loss of loved ones through natural causes and murder. I’ve been cheated on and divorced and I’ve lost a child all by the tender age of 23 but that doesn’t define me.
What defines me is that I am also flaw filled, a reciprocater of love and light. I have enough of the right kind of love to go around the world and back and I am not ashamed of it. I am loyal, I have goals, I love God. What defines me is the person I’ve become because of the hurt and the pain and the fear that I once felt.
I choose happiness, I choose peace, I choose power.
Happiness is a choice, go on now and choose it.