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I came across this quote at the back of a Huletts sugar sachet and it inspired me.
If you wish to move mountains tomorrow, you must start by lifting stones today
~ African proverb
Nothing that’s ever worth it is easy. Hard work, determination and prayer is the only combination key to success.
You have to start somewhere and that somewhere generally is at the very beginning; the bottom.
As humans we have a tendency of wanting to skip the hard work and the being patient part and tend to always want instant results. So we become ambitious, take on everything and then crash before not even one of those things we took on are complete or achieved.
This proverb for me highlights the concept that success isn’t overnight and that it takes hard work and determination to reach your end goal. It highlights that there are no easy ways or overnight shenanigans when it comes to success.
So if you’re not where you need to be, do what you can today, tomorrow and even the day after that and trust and believe that one day, your mountain ⛰ (goal) will be moved (achieved).
Since Miks passing, I’ve never really celebrated my birthday with our birthdays being so close. So ironic because birthdays are generally a big thing for me.
I do however, use this day to sit back and reflect on the past year. See what character / religious / career adjustments can be made. Sit and decide what worked for me and what didn’t work for me. This year will be no different.
I didn’t achieve wordly things in the past year. I’m still in the same position career wise, as I was last year. But I did achieve religious and character goals. I’ve put to bed some of the very influential demons in my life. I’ve got the answers I needed and I got to verbally say my truth. Confronted people who needed to be confronted and made an effort to physically remove the drama from my life. I’ve made a conscious effort to stop being such a push over and God did it feel good. I’ve blogged more and started writing my book. I’ve respected my mama more, achieved some weight loss and joined an amazing book club. Trying to do things that actually matter. I’ve also completed a year of mentoring and have successfully entered another year.
I’ve made some religious achievement. I read my Quran most days, previously I’d only read in our fasting month. I’ve worn my scarf more in the last year than I have in the last 5 and I’m working on praying more…..all this bythe almightys mercy and permission. The lesson I’ve learnt in the last year is firstly:
success cannot be measured; by any one or anything. It is subject and you get to control what success means to you.
Spiritual/ religious achievements are just as, if not more fulfilling that wordly achievements.
How you feel matters!
Practice what you preach
Not everybody riding with you is willing to die for you, keep your circle small, keep it real
There’s tons of work I need to do for the forthcoming year. Which with the help of God I will do.
I just wanna take a moment to thank Allah, thank him for his unconditional love. For guiding me and protecting me even when I was and am unworthy of it. I want to take the time out to thank our creator for all the favors he has bestowed upon my life. I ask that he make me one of his most sincere and consistent servants. May he continue to bless those around me and help me with the transformations of my character and religious goals that I am aspiring towards. Shukr Allah for your infinite mercies. There really is none worthy of worship but you!
To my family. Gawsh i sometimes look at you all and think “how do they do it”. I’m sometimes too much for my own self to handle and you guys do it so effortlessly. Shukran to each of you for your constant support. To my friends , my sisters , besties, you guys are the reason I am where I am today. My circle may be very small but I’d have it no other way. You all are appreciated and I pray that my efforts to express my gratitude toward you guys let you know just how much you all mean to me.
Here’s to another year. May we all let God be the center of everything we do. 27 are you ready for me? Well that’s the question I’d like to ask but deep down I’m freaking out at how old I’m getting 🙈
Happy 1st birthday to my car as well, my didi pops 💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻my ride or die, literally.
Happy St Patrick’s day to all and a very happy birthday to the many others born on this day
Your beauty or worth will never be determined by your physical appearances. So don’t get to thinking that good looks is what I’m after.
Your beauty and your worth will rather be based on the small things that you will do every day; how we communicate, your kind gestures , interaction with my fam, how you treat my parents, siblings, nieces and nephews. It will be based on how you react when I’m moody or in my feelings, how well you gel in with my vision and goals and the community work I’m involved in. That kind of thing. It will be based on your priorities, your relationship with Allah, your ability to provide for me and our family. And I don’t mean big houses and flashy cars, no!
Many say my standards are too high, but I think not. In order for me to be where I want to be, I need a partner that has the same vision as I. I need a man, a man who will head up my home and who won’t necessarily be required to take over all of my responsibilities but one who has the capabilities of doing all I do, as I do, when I do and better than I do. I’m not settling.
If you can respect the above and make the effort as I, you will be beautiful and worthy in my eyes. If not, you really wouldn’t be worth my time and effort. Yes! I’ve learnt to be selective.
It’s 2:13 am and I’m having difficulty sleeping. Extremely tough week; my sister and the kids relocating to 🇨🇳 and the bf going back to his hometown tomorrow.
I’m wide awake allowing myself to go through the motions I suppose but today is a very special day. My Afrah turns 5 and it’s the first birthday in a long time that I’m not spending with her.
She is the most colourful 5 year old around. She is fearless and free-spirited and literally can make one laugh at the very things she says and does.
So it’s her birthday today, but islamically, the new day begins after our fourth prayer. My parents would always buy us and them cake the night before and we would do the whole sing and blow out candles thing. And so they did.
Earlier this evening, my sister calls me and tells me how this little princess told everybody at the hotel that it’s her birthday and went and gave every person who wished her ( fellow guests, security guards and the lady at reception) a piece of her birthday 🎂. I am so proud.
My wish for you baby girl is that you never lose this. Don’t ever lose your kindness and sharing nature. Don’t let any body dull the unique sparkle you have. May your move to China enhance your character and not change it. May the almighty bless you with good health, make the transition easier and help you through every difficulty. We live in a cruel world, where people use people and love things. Where your efforts go unnoticed and where you almost suffer for doing the right thing. My advice to you will always be to do the right thing anyway. Always remember it is between you and God.
May Allah shower his bountiful blessings upon you my sweetheart. Inshallah aameen ( by the Will of Allah) I love and miss you dearly and best you know I will be calling you and singing for you tomorrow.
It started off really great, I prayed and read Quran, prayed for safety and made a conscious effort that I will control how I feel by what I think.
I Got to work with a fresh attitude , the first of anything always symbolizes a fresh start for me! I Even sent my fellow teamies a motivational email to kickstart the month … and then…
It’s like God was really testing me to see if I was going to practice what I had just preached! I’ve had a day from hell in terms of the cases and escalations I’ve had to deal with today.
It was horrible, slow torture is even an understatement to describe it. I still kept positive and “just kept swimming” as Dori says we should.
I then leave work to go to our very first book club meeting, what a joy it was, but only after I scratched my car 💔my very first scratch ☹️and all because I was trying to be ambitious reversing into a parking. Something I’ve been teaching myself to get comfy with.
I know 💔it could be worse though.
Nevertheless, we had quite a productive book club meeting, and very received a very special welcome gift ❤️
I ate French fries today which I wasn’t supposed to because I said I will be back to good eating habits come the first of the month!
Overal, I know it could be way worse and I am still blessed and fortunate to have the things I still have, have good health and even just a place to rest my head.
That’s my day. I can’t wait to come and listen to yours
My heart broke into a million pieces last evening. My parents , aunties and I went to see my Uncle who isn’t “doing too well”. He has galloping cancer and yeah… You guys can pretty much make out the rest.
This trip moved me. And really made me sit and think about all of the things that we take for granted. That casual chat with mum or dad, the random jokes that leave you in stitches, those intimate family moments that we tend to feel “arggg ” about.
We take it all for granted yet this family, is holding onto those because they don’t know when it could be their last moment 🙁
Why is it that regret is stronger than gratitude? Why is it that we tend to take so many things for granted? Why is life sometimes so unfair. I barely know this Uncle of mine, and now I’m asking, why must it take a situation like this for me to visit or for family to spend time together!?
My uncle inspired me… In a space that literally is taking a toll on him ,the only thing he spoke about is his family and his God. If anything, HE has a reason to be angry, to question God… But how strong is his faith that his God and his family are still the things dearest to him and that is keeping him going. #blesshim. He’s praying and is remaining hopeful and I pray that we all get to a point where God is our be all and end all.
Hearing him and my uncle from Australia speak on the phone; their bond is admirable and I was at the slightest, envious that their generation of cousins are so close and ours is well…
Today was just what I needed. That visit spoke to me in ways I needed to be spoken to. It touched my soul and whispered to my heart.
Let’s speak to a person as opposed to sending a text or call. Time invested in those you love can never be deemed as “wasted”. Let’s start spreading love openly, tell mum, dad, sissy, bro, friend, hubby, wifey, grans and gramps just how much you love them. Smile more, hug more, laugh more. It really is these simple gestures that our world is lacking.
I pray for healing for this uncle of mine and for his pain to be removed. I pray for my Aunty and cousins; for the strength and their peace. I pray for our generation… Instead of worrying if your legs touch or eyebrows match, or the price tags to your clothes, car or house… Let’s worry about the things that actually matter and that would matter even if those things get taken away. I pray for peace and comfort for the entire universe. By the permission n the almighty’s grace, Ameen!
Start today, start with you♥️🙏🏼Thank you Uncle Marcel!
Have you ever gotten to the point where you just ready to give up? Coz that’s the point where I am at.
I think this has been the worst, most emotional week of 2016.
My drive and passion at work is at an all time low. My relationship with my mother is pretty much non existent and God knows how much I miss her. I don’t have the will to just read Quraan and sit on my musalaah. It’s like Shaytaan is winning and I’m just letting him win.
Whenever any hardships hit me, before looking and seeing what others have done to me, I generally see and take what I could have done better and try to better myself… But Gawsh! They were right when they said old habits die hard and it’s like the more you trying to be better, more and more things happen and it just cripples you more. N nobody has the patience or time to help you grow, it’s all on you.
I feel as though I’m constantly having to watch what I say and how I say and what I do and when I do it both at work and at home.
I sometimes feel like I’m not allowed to have time out . Or get irritated . Or tired . Or feel like I just don’t wanna do anything. Have you ever felt like this?
I know that I have flaws, and plenty might I add, and it’s like whilst im trying to be less judgmental and accept the flaws of others, the more mine are been picked on. I guess this is the test when you trying to be better and you just got to humble yourself and suffer the consequences and continue making dua for Allah ta Allah to rectify your flaws.
I’m at a point where my thinking brain is dead. I don’t have the answers and the more I try the more I fail. But if I don’t try I feel it’s making my situations worse.
Have you ever felt like this? What did you do to get out of feeling this way?
There is or rather was so much that I wanted to say to you….but even that oppotunity was snatched away from me and so this is my time to bury it all and continue moving forward like I have been for the past 2 years.
Looking back at our relationship…there are so many lessons that I have learnt. And this open letter is in no way meant to offend or belittle you. It’s about me finally saying the things I needed to say. It’s about me putting me first for once. It’s about me not being the bigger or more mature person. Its about saying what I really felt.
Do I believe that you loved me? I actually do and I probably always will. Do I believe that you valued me? Not a damn!
If ever I doubted that love is blind, our relationship proved that it was indeed. I loved you with every last breathe in me and you knew it. You were my one and only. You were my everything. You had power over me.
I loved you. Loved your craziness. Your ability to make me laugh. I loved how we used to play board games together. How we could watch movies together. How funny and filthy you could be. How you would keep me company when I ironed and got us ready for the week. I loved your dance moves. You thinking you could sing. I loved coming home to that smile. Seeing you waiting for me by the gate. I loved when we prayed together.when we would fight and make up. Loved how you would test me before exams. Lol remember that time I got back from Durban? You didn’t let me finish unpack coz you missed me that much or that time we found out I was pregnant? What about that week we were at home by ourselves and we spent time watching movies. Eating. Playing cards and just talking. Or how we battled it out when shit went South that one Ramadaan?
If you ask me where did it all go wrong? I can’t tell you…because there was so much! Was it me? And being too hard by believing in you more than you did yourself? My domineering ways? My stubborness? Was it my vision for you? My parents? Was it pity, because you let me in and I saw first hand what you had to deal with. Was it your evil step mother? Or was it you being so easily influenced? Your exs? Your Sister in laws? Family? Friends? Was it the drugs? Or the alcohol? Was it that you were just pretending? Or the millions of people involved on our relationship, the outsiders?
There was so much that was said by every one else but so many things left unsaid between you and I. You picked me up and broke me down till I was nothing.Literally. LOL.I hated you and cursed you for the affair. For the time you raised your hands for me and rough handled me to the point that I started bleeding in my already high-risk pregnancy and had to lie and say I just started. I hated you for losing my one and only child. For not attempting to come and see me during that last hospital admission. I hated you for not being there when I NEEDED YOU. For the excuses.For the times you would leave me knowing how risky my pregnancy was and you would just go for nights on end. I hated you for the disrespect you brought to my home. I hated you for not standing up for me when you could see everything that was going on. For discussing me with your exes. I hated you for not being the man you led me to believe you were. I hated you for allowing your step mother to belittle and use me. She swore on oath that she would make you have that affair and you just went along with it. I hated you for making it get to the point where I had to start praying the prayer of contentment because I just didnt know with you any more. I hated her,your now wife, for breaking my home. I judged her…what happend to the women code? But later realised I was wrong. I couldn’t blame her… you allowed it.
I believe God made me lose Mikail to prepare me for letting you go. If I could lose a child and make it, he knew that that would toughen me and prepare me for living with out you. The pain of losing that child, that shed the light through my darkness was unbarable. You were the centre of my world. I heard nothing from nobody when it came to you.
No amount of words can ever describe how much you hurt me…you left our marriage and chose to have that affair..with that girl in our bed…whilst I was on the other side of the country trying to figure it all out and make things work for us.
Just weeks before that we were the best couple, making relationship goals. We agreed to put us first. We started dating in our marriage.You said you loved me nights before but then you fought me…for things so trivial. You even backed out of slaughtering for your sons 1 year because of a booty call. God…I hated you. You left our marriage but judged me for leaving you… you knew I was jobless, knew I that I needed and was dependant on you. You left me to deal with losing our son, my gran and my husband just months apart. You chose to dishonour our marriage after the countless conversations we had where I gave you the option to leave and you said you wanted to stay. You had that affair and judged me for leaving you because you didn’t care and you were selfish.I asked for the divorce and you said no, but later decided to give it to me. You played with my emotions. With my heart because it was all about you that time.
You carried on with your life and continued blaming and bad mouthing me for leaving you and wanting out. How much more did you expect me to bare whilst you were having the time of your life?
You were rude and arrogant to me and started hating me oh so sudddenly.You remarried not even a year later and had your child just before that…mine died and you just moved on making more to fill your void. Not once thinking of me. It was your life. Your party. Even when I thought I was progressing and even without communication between us, you kept breaking me down by just the thought of you.
I still have your apology SMS that you sent me a year after everything. I often read it when I think of you. I still get unsettled and randomly think of you only to hear days later something big and bad is going on with you. I pray and ask God to delink whatever still connects us because its happend on so many occasions making me think it isn’t mere coincidence.I blocked you on social media but I still sometimes reminise on the good ole days. I appreciate and am grateful when I get told you ask about me or pass messages on with your mum to let me know that our sons grave is looking good but at the same time I despise you because part of me feels its so selfish that only now you want to do all of these things and moreso that you still want me to know.
I still wish to ask you “how are you” and would just like to know honestly what goes through your mind, to have one of “our” raw, uncut conversations. I still sometimes wonder if you ever think about me or us. If you miss me or what we had. I know it’s wrong because you married and it isn’t good for my healing process…but I do.
Today? I sit here writing this by the almighty’s grace. Debating whether this post should be published or not. Today I sit here stronger than ever before, and yes even with the lump in my throat and the sore heart and the memory of all the plans I hoped we would have gotten to live out, I can finally say that I’m doing me now and it feels great. I am alive and am blessed.
I got my job and am gaining my independence back. I am picking myself up slowly but surely and am making my come back. I may not have moved onto another partner but I surely am preparing myself for one. Today I sit knowing my relationship with God. Knowing who Tazz is and what Tazz deserves. Today I sit here and am writing to tell you that I’m living out my goals. The goals I had initially had for us two; I sit achieving them alone and it’s not as bad as I thought it would be.
Thank you dear husband. Thank you for teaching me that I do matter. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to make God my world. Thank you for my son because he pulled me through some of my darkest moments; whenever you weren’t there; he would often listen to me sob my heart out. Thank you for leaving me and breaking me down, allowing me to rebuild myself. Thank you for showing me my flaws and just how imperfect I was and still am. Thank you for humbling me. Thank you for allowing me to be with you for those few years. For being brave enough to show me your scars and imperfections. Thank you for showing me how grateful I should be for my family; they have all played a role in my healing. Thank you for Lyndal and Faiza, without you I wouldn’t have met such amazing, awesome friends.
I sincerely wish you everything of the best. I know the man I met a good 4-5 years ago lives within you. I pray for you and for your family; wife and baby girl. I wish you success. I wish you peace and I wish you happiness. I wish that you would finally love yourself enough to love God and to believe in yourself like I did, so that you can start receiving even more blessings.I pray that you can let all of the negative people in your life go.
I pray that you don’t put any other women, even the one who broke up my home, through what you put me through.I hope that you have taken lessons just like I, and are using our experience to make your life better.I once was selective with what I told folk about us because I didn’t want you to look bad ( I still dont) and because I was scared of being judged. But I’m no longer scared because I have forgiven myself and have forgiven you.
I hope you get to read this and if our paths are meant to cross one day in the future…I hope it will be pleasant and perhaps you could answer some of these unanswered questions.
May peace and blessing be upon you always. Loved you long time.