Be that flower that gives it’s fragrance to even the hand that crushes it
~ Islamic proverb
We’ve all been hurt or betrayed at some point in our lives and in many cases, it’s often by those we love the most. I chose this quote because it brings through the essence of forgiveness so beautifully.
Forgiveness is not a feeling. It’s a choice we make everyday, choosing peace and making a conscious effort to let go of painful burdens and anger.
It’s a choice we make to clear our hearts of all things ill to make place for all things good; love and light.
We often read or hear folk say that forgiveness is more for us than it is for the person or people we’re forgiving and I call truth!
Choosing to forgive someone is not an act of weakness, if anything, it is courage and strength personified!
We don’t forgive a person because they necessarily deserve it but rather because we deserve the peace. Let that sink in for a second.
… We know how hurtful situations can literally drain a person; mentally , physically and emotionally! But in saying that, they often force us to realize just how strong we are and I reckon peace is something we definitely deserve after such ordeals.
We should never forget that even when we’re crushed, we still have purpose, like the crushed flower that can still provide fragrance; something pleasant, something refreshing, something…delightful!
When somebody does something hurtful or bad to us, it’s a reflection of them and not of us. It’s essential for us to understand and remember this.
So I say, Be that flower, bloom beautifully, be crushed and let the world smell your scent. Then, make your come back and grow again.
Life is a journey, filled with ups and downs…let’s embrace it all and let’s choose to forgive along the way. Life is way too short to be festering feelings of anger, hurt, pain and suffering.
Many women, people in fact, go through some sought of heart break. The kind that leaves you, at the time, with no other choice but to be guarded. Guardered where you love from a distance, where you put yourself out there but only show people what you want people to see. The smile, fiesty attitude. The bling, money, cars or IDGAF attitude. It leaves you guarded where, when folk get too close, you act out and do things to push em away…because of the fear of getting hurt or feeling that heart ache again.
I’ve recently made a decision to no longer let that very fear, strip me of the things that could possibly make me the happiest. I’ve made a decision to not let that fear control my life by controlling my decisions.
The people or persons who have caused us that heart ache are out there living their lives, moving on, and we’re always the ones left putting the pieces of the puzzle together, alone. But that’s not such a bad thing. Because we’re victors not victims. We are built for come backs. (Can I get an Amen)
You see, pain is inevitable and demands to be felt. But even pain, makes for the best teacher. One learns that the quickest way out of pain, is through it. So take ya time and work through it.
Question: Does the person who caused you any pain deserve to still control your life long after they’re gone?
And I’m guessing youre answer will be HELL NAH, they’ve done enough! Yeah?
Well that’s the answer I’m looking for because they shouldn’t have that privellage. . . They shouldn’t have the privellage of guaranteeing or smirking at the fact that you won’t let anybody too close because of the fear of getting hurt again. They shouldn’t have the privellage of thinking that they’re irreplaceable and that they would never have to deal with you actually moving on and being happy and inturn them losing you. If anything, they should be feeling all of the above more!
By living in the fear of being hurt again, you pretty much allowing them to keep that power. You allow them to have that control of not pursuing the things that make YOU happy.
Let this be the day that you start controlling what impact pain has on your life and not give pain the power to control what impact it has on you.
Let this be the day that you go back to being the best version of yourself, the uneffed version, the version that wants to be loved and wants to love freely. The version that never compromised on anything that you did.
Let this be the day that you face that fear and you tell that fear that it will no longer rule your life , that you’re boss and you’re in control.
Know, that this will not guarentee that you won’t get hurt again, so let that not be the expectation but, choosing happiness and a fearless life may actually be the one shot you’ve been waiting for. What more do you have to lose? They’ve already stripped you of everything before.
I never thought I’d be in this space, where I’d wear my heart on my sleeve again. Where I’d write poetry expressing my gratitude or actually introducing him to the people closest to me. But here I am, with no guarantee that the love I’ve recently found is going to last but I’m here, loving sincerely like I would before, writing that poetry and enjoying the happiness, the gratitude, the countless attempts of him showing me how special I am to him. I’m here ready to fight like I never had, to rewire all the eish in my head and heart. I’m here ready to give this love a fair chance, to compromise, communicate, and just to love with no condition.
I’m present and opening up myself to the blessings the almighty has put before me. I’m here opening up my heart and my soul to the happiness and respect and love and joy and the peace that my soul deserves and if it’s doesn’t work out? I can Atleast say “hey, I gave the best of me and this too shall pass once the lesson that’s meant to be taught is learnt”
My name is Tasneem, I’ve lived through abuse, the loss of loved ones through natural causes and murder. I’ve been cheated on and divorced and I’ve lost a child all by the tender age of 23 but that doesn’t define me.
What defines me is that I am also flaw filled, a reciprocater of love and light. I have enough of the right kind of love to go around the world and back and I am not ashamed of it. I am loyal, I have goals, I love God. What defines me is the person I’ve become because of the hurt and the pain and the fear that I once felt.
I choose happiness, I choose peace, I choose power.
I know that everything happens by your will and I know not to question you. But sometimes I just can’t fathom why some things happen.
This evening I read a story of a mom who lost her son, it brought back all of the emotions that I had when I lost Mika’il and it was at this moment that I knew I probably will never get over losing my son. I write when I’m emotional so if this doesn’t make any sense, please pardon me.
I sit writing this with a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes, I’ve finally faced completing miks baby book. Something I’ve been putting on hold for years.
I sometimes feel ungrateful when I think of him and cry becAuse you (God) have blessed me in so many ways and i now know just how much you believe in me putting me through all of this and knowing that I will make it through , I’m only saying this because if you knew I wouldn’t make it you wouldn’t have let this happen right?
I’m sitting here looking at all his ultrasound pictures. My heart is literally breaking into a million pieces yet I am still and remembering all of the logical things to tell myself but I want nothing more than to just punch a wall , or scream and to just break down but then in the same breath I think “what difference would it make” speak about mixed emotions. Is this normal ? What is normal about this God? Is there a “way” us moms supposed to deal with this? I tried forgetting and blocking it all out but that clearly hasn’t helped; I’m sitting here three years later feeling all the pain once again.
Wouldn’t looking at these make you feel the same way?
Mums who have lost their kids, I don’t know your story and can’t tell you how brave you are if you’re still here reading this; the strength that is you. I still to this day only wonder what he would be like, who he would look like, what his favourite food would have been or where his favourite place to visit would be. I still wonder , till this day, what his favorite toy would have been or how he would look when he just wakes up or what his favourite pjs would be. I still wonder how my life would have been if he were still here. I still wonder.
I can’t tell you what has helped me cope or that things will get better because I’ve pretty much winged getting through these passed three years.
I can however, tell you that God has faith in you if he is trusting you with this burden. He knows you’re stronger than you think you are.
I can also tell you that you’re courageous. It’s a pain I don’t think anybody can describe and to beable to just live through day by day takes a hell of a lot.
Dear God , bless the very many mums and dads who have witnessed the loss of their kids. Strengthen them and be their peace. Amen 🙏🏼
I urge to you all to please read up on the Bright star mentorship programme. You can do so by clicking HERE but please continue to read on and hopefully you will join our village💋
I could not help but tear up being in the presence of our little bright stars today. Kids are an absolute blessing!
Today we celebrated our annual bright star mentorship celebration. And as always, my inspiration “rev counter” went from 0 to 220 after spending the day with the remarkable and phenomenal people that joined us.
Today I was reassured that I can change the world simply by changing my thought process. Now watch me go out there and change it.
I needed this event more than it needed me. After the week I had with a blast from the past, mixed emotions and some heart ache, this reminded me just how blessed I am. How my struggles are so irrelevant to the struggles of others. Today I learnt that going through a struggle isn’t in it’s all a bad thing, it isn’t a curse but it’s actually a blessing and so I’m gonna push through like I have all these years.
The Bright star mentorship programme has provided healing for not just kids coming from disadvantaged backgrounds, it helps to heal even us as mentors going through our own thing.
Spending just an hour of your time a week but having such an impact on the lives of our kids; who mind you are soon going to be our leaders, What an honour. God must really love us for choosing us, out of the millions of people on this earth, to do his work.
The bright star mentorship programme produces “wholemakers” yeap! We make whole to what has been damaged and we do so through love, time, passion and effort.
To all the wonderful mentors, programme organizers, guests and the precious kids, thank you for making my heart smile. Thank you for giving me an opportunity to have a reality check, thank you for turning me into the women I am meant to be so that one day I too will invest in my own kids and so one day I can be courageous and kind changing the world one child at a time.
I am going to ask you to please consider joining us by becoming a mentor, however, we understand if you cannot right now. If time is an issue and if you would like to contribute, please consider just R100 pm so that this mentorship programme can continue running.
You are welcome to message me for more details and I will gladly refer you to the correct people that facilitate this programme.
if you are unable to do either or, please may I ask that you pay it forward by sharing this link or BC so that we can get this to as many people as we possibly can.
In the name of Allah, the most compassionate, the most merciful.
Prophet Muhammed ( may peace and salutations be upon him always) delivered his final sermon to mankind on the 9th day of Dhul Hijjah ( the last month of the Islamic calendar)
His words were directed to all of mankind as a reminder of how to conduct ourselves and what our purpose is on this earth.
*”O people, lend me an attentive ear, for I know not whether, after this year, I shall ever be amongst you again. Therefore listen to what I am saying to you very carefully and TAKE THESE TO THOSE WHO COULD NOT BE PRESENT HERE TODAY.*
*O people, just as you regard this month, this day, this city as sacred, so regard the life and property of every muslim as a sacred trust. Return the goods entrusted to you to their rightful owners. Hurt no one so that no one may hurt you. Remember that you will indeed meet your lord and that He will indeed reckon your deeds. ALLAH has forbidden you to take usury (interest). Therefore all interst obligation shall henceforth be waived.*
*Beware of Satan, for the safety of your religion. He has lost all hope that he will ever be able to lead you astray in things, so beware of following him in small things.*
*O people, it is true that you have the right with regards to your woman, but they also have rights over you. If they abide by your rights then to them belong the right to be fed and clothed in kindness. Do treat your women well and be kind to them for they are your partners and committed helpers. And it approve, as well as never commit adultery.*
*O people, listen to me in earnest, worship ALLAH, say your five time daily prayers (salat) fast during the month of ramadan, and give your wealth in zakat. Perform Hajj if you can afford to. You know that every muslim is the brother of another muslim. YOU ARE ALL EQUAL.. No body has superiority over another except by piety and good action.*
*Remember, one day you will appear before ALLAH and answer for your deeds. O beware, do not stray from the part of righteousness after I am gone.*
*O people, NO PROPHET OR APOSTLE WILL COME AFTER ME AND NO NEW FAITH WILL BE BORN. Reason well, therefore people, understand my word, which I convey to you. I leave behind me two things, the QURAN and my SUNNAH and if you follow these you will not go astray.*
those who listen to me shall pass on my words to others and those to others again, and may the last understand my words better than those who listen to me directly. Be my witness O ALLAH, that I have convyed your message to the people.”
May Allah bless our prophets abundantly, may we always look at their lives and reflect and take lessons of good will. May Allah ta Allah make us part of those whom he choose to guide on the straight path. May we always turn back to Allah ta Allah even when we fall. May we walk in the foot steps of Allahs most loved. Inshallah aameen.
Reading this sermon just created an urge in me to do and be better, before we look to others flaws, let’s look at our own and work on correcting them inshallah. Not today satan, not today
Posted by a humble, ordinary girl.
There is or rather was so much that I wanted to say to you….but even that oppotunity was snatched away from me and so this is my time to bury it all and continue moving forward like I have been for the past 2 years.
Looking back at our relationship…there are so many lessons that I have learnt. And this open letter is in no way meant to offend or belittle you. It’s about me finally saying the things I needed to say. It’s about me putting me first for once. It’s about me not being the bigger or more mature person. Its about saying what I really felt.
Do I believe that you loved me? I actually do and I probably always will. Do I believe that you valued me? Not a damn!
If ever I doubted that love is blind, our relationship proved that it was indeed. I loved you with every last breathe in me and you knew it. You were my one and only. You were my everything. You had power over me.
I loved you. Loved your craziness. Your ability to make me laugh. I loved how we used to play board games together. How we could watch movies together. How funny and filthy you could be. How you would keep me company when I ironed and got us ready for the week. I loved your dance moves. You thinking you could sing. I loved coming home to that smile. Seeing you waiting for me by the gate. I loved when we prayed together.when we would fight and make up. Loved how you would test me before exams. Lol remember that time I got back from Durban? You didn’t let me finish unpack coz you missed me that much or that time we found out I was pregnant? What about that week we were at home by ourselves and we spent time watching movies. Eating. Playing cards and just talking. Or how we battled it out when shit went South that one Ramadaan?
If you ask me where did it all go wrong? I can’t tell you…because there was so much! Was it me? And being too hard by believing in you more than you did yourself? My domineering ways? My stubborness? Was it my vision for you? My parents? Was it pity, because you let me in and I saw first hand what you had to deal with. Was it your evil step mother? Or was it you being so easily influenced? Your exs? Your Sister in laws? Family? Friends? Was it the drugs? Or the alcohol? Was it that you were just pretending? Or the millions of people involved on our relationship, the outsiders?
There was so much that was said by every one else but so many things left unsaid between you and I. You picked me up and broke me down till I was nothing.Literally. LOL.I hated you and cursed you for the affair. For the time you raised your hands for me and rough handled me to the point that I started bleeding in my already high-risk pregnancy and had to lie and say I just started. I hated you for losing my one and only child. For not attempting to come and see me during that last hospital admission. I hated you for not being there when I NEEDED YOU. For the excuses.For the times you would leave me knowing how risky my pregnancy was and you would just go for nights on end. I hated you for the disrespect you brought to my home. I hated you for not standing up for me when you could see everything that was going on. For discussing me with your exes. I hated you for not being the man you led me to believe you were. I hated you for allowing your step mother to belittle and use me. She swore on oath that she would make you have that affair and you just went along with it. I hated you for making it get to the point where I had to start praying the prayer of contentment because I just didnt know with you any more. I hated her,your now wife, for breaking my home. I judged her…what happend to the women code? But later realised I was wrong. I couldn’t blame her… you allowed it.
I believe God made me lose Mikail to prepare me for letting you go. If I could lose a child and make it, he knew that that would toughen me and prepare me for living with out you. The pain of losing that child, that shed the light through my darkness was unbarable. You were the centre of my world. I heard nothing from nobody when it came to you.
No amount of words can ever describe how much you hurt me…you left our marriage and chose to have that affair..with that girl in our bed…whilst I was on the other side of the country trying to figure it all out and make things work for us.
Just weeks before that we were the best couple, making relationship goals. We agreed to put us first. We started dating in our marriage.You said you loved me nights before but then you fought me…for things so trivial. You even backed out of slaughtering for your sons 1 year because of a booty call. God…I hated you. You left our marriage but judged me for leaving you… you knew I was jobless, knew I that I needed and was dependant on you. You left me to deal with losing our son, my gran and my husband just months apart. You chose to dishonour our marriage after the countless conversations we had where I gave you the option to leave and you said you wanted to stay. You had that affair and judged me for leaving you because you didn’t care and you were selfish.I asked for the divorce and you said no, but later decided to give it to me. You played with my emotions. With my heart because it was all about you that time.
You carried on with your life and continued blaming and bad mouthing me for leaving you and wanting out. How much more did you expect me to bare whilst you were having the time of your life?
You were rude and arrogant to me and started hating me oh so sudddenly.You remarried not even a year later and had your child just before that…mine died and you just moved on making more to fill your void. Not once thinking of me. It was your life. Your party. Even when I thought I was progressing and even without communication between us, you kept breaking me down by just the thought of you.
I still have your apology SMS that you sent me a year after everything. I often read it when I think of you. I still get unsettled and randomly think of you only to hear days later something big and bad is going on with you. I pray and ask God to delink whatever still connects us because its happend on so many occasions making me think it isn’t mere coincidence.I blocked you on social media but I still sometimes reminise on the good ole days. I appreciate and am grateful when I get told you ask about me or pass messages on with your mum to let me know that our sons grave is looking good but at the same time I despise you because part of me feels its so selfish that only now you want to do all of these things and moreso that you still want me to know.
I still wish to ask you “how are you” and would just like to know honestly what goes through your mind, to have one of “our” raw, uncut conversations. I still sometimes wonder if you ever think about me or us. If you miss me or what we had. I know it’s wrong because you married and it isn’t good for my healing process…but I do.
Today? I sit here writing this by the almighty’s grace. Debating whether this post should be published or not. Today I sit here stronger than ever before, and yes even with the lump in my throat and the sore heart and the memory of all the plans I hoped we would have gotten to live out, I can finally say that I’m doing me now and it feels great. I am alive and am blessed.
I got my job and am gaining my independence back. I am picking myself up slowly but surely and am making my come back. I may not have moved onto another partner but I surely am preparing myself for one. Today I sit knowing my relationship with God. Knowing who Tazz is and what Tazz deserves. Today I sit here and am writing to tell you that I’m living out my goals. The goals I had initially had for us two; I sit achieving them alone and it’s not as bad as I thought it would be.
Thank you dear husband. Thank you for teaching me that I do matter. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to make God my world. Thank you for my son because he pulled me through some of my darkest moments; whenever you weren’t there; he would often listen to me sob my heart out. Thank you for leaving me and breaking me down, allowing me to rebuild myself. Thank you for showing me my flaws and just how imperfect I was and still am. Thank you for humbling me. Thank you for allowing me to be with you for those few years. For being brave enough to show me your scars and imperfections. Thank you for showing me how grateful I should be for my family; they have all played a role in my healing. Thank you for Lyndal and Faiza, without you I wouldn’t have met such amazing, awesome friends.
I sincerely wish you everything of the best. I know the man I met a good 4-5 years ago lives within you. I pray for you and for your family; wife and baby girl. I wish you success. I wish you peace and I wish you happiness. I wish that you would finally love yourself enough to love God and to believe in yourself like I did, so that you can start receiving even more blessings.I pray that you can let all of the negative people in your life go.
I pray that you don’t put any other women, even the one who broke up my home, through what you put me through.I hope that you have taken lessons just like I, and are using our experience to make your life better.I once was selective with what I told folk about us because I didn’t want you to look bad ( I still dont) and because I was scared of being judged. But I’m no longer scared because I have forgiven myself and have forgiven you.
I hope you get to read this and if our paths are meant to cross one day in the future…I hope it will be pleasant and perhaps you could answer some of these unanswered questions.
May peace and blessing be upon you always. Loved you long time.
It’s been a year where everything moral has been thrown out the window and where we as human’s have lost our humanity.
It’s a year that has proven that we are becoming more and more programmed; like an experiment that has gone well by the elites; typical puppet on string behaviour.
As a 20 something year old trying to make sense of this thing called life, I often find myself asking myself and others “who gave you the right”?
Who gave us the right to look down on other people? To speak about other folks faults?
Who gave us the right to make performances in shops and speak down to waiters, sales associates or to impatiently hoot behind the new or very old driver of the car with the huge LEARNER sticker sign on?
Who gave you the right to wake up each morning and complain, to take your job lightly or to make everybody miserable because you have to work on a Sunday?
Why are our patience limits decreasing. What is going wrong?What are we doing wrong?
Sisters fight each other over men, purposely breaking homes and speaking filth about each other.
Modesty in character and dressing seem to be a thing of the past.
Instead of us as women building nations we break it down with our shade throwing.
We no longer strive to be the Mother Theresa’s of our nations but rather like the kardashians. We invest money in superficial things and focus less on building up our communities and the less fortunate.
Brothers are killing their own to “pick up a number” and to “make a name” for themselves. They focus more on what they wear than what their children eat. Invest more in superficial things rather than on theirs or their kids education.
Are we really progressing as a nation?
Im not gonna call the government out on this one simply because I feel this is a humanity issue. Every day in some part of the world we reading up on or hearing about folk being murdered in an injust and brutal manner. Folk being killed because of the colour of their skin, job description, religion, gender or race. It’s bogus. It’s evil!
Not quiet sure I’m only but a 20 something year old.
But what I can say is that conformity must fall. I say that we should stop being programmed by the elites of this world and start walking in purpose of what God has created us for.
We are all human, we all have blood running through our veins. We are all from dust and we are all going to return to just that one day.
It’s about time (to listen to boom shaka yes) and also to set ourselves free. Because being free is a state of mind and for far too long we have been made to think other wise.
It’s about time we worry less about other people’s imperfections and start focusing on our own. Time to celebrate each others achievements and stop being so conceited making ourselves believe its only about us. It’s time to stop being selfish and start asking ourselves “Who gave you the right” It’s time we humble ourselves and gain our humanity back.
As I always say, we’ve tried everything else…it now starts with you and I!
Don’t be a hater, change that bulb and let’s spread light and all things good across this ever so deceiving world.