Love, life & everything's else in between, personal

#DFH #43

Dear future husband,

I’m always emotional around this time of year. Miks birthday being just 4days before mine. I hardly ever get excited for it.

13 March .

I hope you understand that this doesn’t mean I’m still stuck in my passed. But this is my son, whom I carried. My first born and so he will always have a place in my heart. 

I will appreciate your support because that very child has turned me into the women I am today. 

I don’t know if this is wishful thinking , but I’m going to put it out there anyway.I would totally love you taking me to his grave; making this a “thing” we regularly do. To clean it and pray for him. To save towards placing his tomb stone ( I can do it on my own) but having your support would be great. 

Anyways, just thought I’d let you know. If I’m not myself around this time of year when we’re together. Atleast you know why now 🙂

With love,

Your future wife 


A birthday tribute to my son.


3years ago on this day…I was in labour and i didnt even know. Lol. I remember talking to you and telling you that we’re going to be ok. You used to react to my voice…The bond between a mother and child is nothing short of a miracle indeed.

It so happened that I had experienced the worst day of my life aswell. The most traumatic if anything and whilst I will never understand… I trust it all happened for a reason. I still have the dress I lost you in and the facecloth that your aunty used to wipe you down. I have your baby book and your pictures.

You would have been 3… I can only but imagine how excited you would have been waking up coz you’d know how big a deal I would have made today.Birthdays are my thing.

Im sorry that I couldnt do anymore to help you live and I hope you didnt endure too much of suffering. 💔

Thank you Mikail for changing me. For allowing me to carry you for those 6 and a half months. They were the most fulfilling 6 months of my life. Thank you for giving me strength and turning me into the woman I needed to be. Thank you for restoring my faith and making Allah my #1. I am foreverly grateful.

May the all the angels, your uncle Kashif, great grans and grandada sing for my angel today. Ma’s gonna wake up soon and sing for her grandson like she does every year. Its not an easy morning. But know that I anticipate the day I see you again.May the Almighty keep you safe and sound until then.

I love you. I miss you. Happy birthday boytjie.💋

Posted from Just an ordinary girl


March 13th

This time of year I always get anxious. My heavenly angel would have been 3. I often wonder what I would be doing if he were to live, how he would have looked, what his little character would be like, what his favourite food or pjs would have been.

I sit and wonder what I would be getting him for his birthday, what colour his hair would be and whether he’d be a loud mouth like his mother or a softy like his aunt.

I wonder what stories he’d tell or what would make him laugh. Would he love food and enjoy football. How would he be in school or how he would lookwhen his asleep.

They say losing a child is never easy. And they are right. They say time heals all wounds…Im not sure how true that is but I guess with time one gets used to the pain and the void.

Through it all though, I wouldnt trade carrying my boy for those 6 and a half months. He didnt get to leave a physical footprint on this earth, but he has left an everlasting one in my heart.

Its weird how he encourages and pushes me everyday. He makes me want to be better even though he isnt with me. He has changed me and has turned me into the woman I am supposed to be.

So my little sweet heart, Know that with just 4 days left for your 3rd birthday…I may not beable to spoil you in the flesh…but i am thinking of how I would have made your day nearly as special as you are.

To all the ladies who have carried and have lost their kids. Or have lost a kid on the whole. My prayers go up for you. And BIG UPS to you. You are the epitome of strength.Each year we will be reminded in more than one way of our angels…but know that God has a reason for everything and It will get easier. We just have to trust and believe even when trusting and believing seems like the hardest thing to do.

Share your story in the comments below if you will ❤or pass on and let every mum who has lost a child know that we are thinking of them today.

Strongs. Love.Peace and happiness


Mikail Kashief


Posted from Just an ordinary girl