Girl power, Lifestyle, Love, life & everything's else in between, motivation and inspiration, personal

Coloureds: A product of rape they say

My heritage |images sourced from google|

Growing up coloured has come with a lot of pros; Diversity. Tolerance. Tradition. One that stood out for me is that I got to experience and see more than one culture due to my blood line; Cape Malay, Indian, German and African.

I was raised and taught tolerance and respect for all people, irrespective of race, colour, creed, religion and even physical appearance. I was raised to be loud and proud and to own who I am; to stand firm for the things I believe in; to love; to pray; to smile through adversities. I was raised to help the next person, offer my seat to the Aunty hopping onto the bus or taxi or helping her with her parcels. I was taught to respect people. To be gracious and laughter and happiness were norms.

But growing up coloured, wasn’t that much of an issue as is being coloured in this present day.

I, being a coloured women, get more compliments on my hair and skin tone by random strangers more than someone sincerely greeting just because it’s a nice gesture or out our courtesy. It’s pretty much the only time of day most people would give, to interact with me, both men and women.

I, being coloured, am not “allowed” to love for love’s sake. Apparently there’s an unwritten rule about who I’m allowed to love and who I’m not. I’m subjected to vile comments from women of other races or cultures should I fall in love with someone outside my own race or culture. “You coloured women steal our good black men” … is the common one I’ve been told.

I, being coloured, am labeled automatically. Drink, smoke, drug, party and often get asked how many kids I have, as if it’s something expected and normal. People get shocked when I tell them I don’t do any of the above and I think to myself, even if I did, it’s my prerogative… what does it have to do with race?

I, being coloured, am often labeled as lost, or a product of rape, stupid, ambition-less and “uncultured” I’m often noticed but only because of my big thighs, big hair, light skin tone or because I’m simply labeled as “easy”. I mean if I’m coloured I’m not human and feelings are things I don’t have right? I mean I am just a product of rape.

But what’s even more alarming, is that my own race and species of women… make my life that much more difficult. God forbid I be happy with someone… then it’s “I’m eating his money” or “I’ll never be happy” or ” I’m no different” or “they won’t last”.

Really?!

Let me achieve a goal; buy a house, car or even get a promotion and first thoughts are things so ludacris, like people questioning whether I really bought a house or car or comments like “she slept her way to the top”… lol. I’m often left in awe when I over hear such.

Are coloured women not able to fend for themselves? Are we not able to excel in life? Are we not capable of setting goals and achieving them… ON OUR OWN? Are we not worthy of another human being, besides our family and friends’, loving? Are we not allowed to have healthy minds and souls?

We nag about how others label us but we label our own like this?

Well this is what I have to say.

Sisters, coloured or not! I am an independent woman, I know struggle and I’ve TKO’d pain, I work hard and study hard and do what I need to do to get where I need to be. I’m ambitious and goal driven and sure as hell make my own Mandela’s. I love people and that’s not on condition of colour, creed or race. My hair and skin tone does not and will never define who I am. I am a warrior, a product of God and him alone. I only bring the best and so I often expect the best.

Brothers, I’m no piece of meat. I will not stoop to levels of flings and affairs. I will be that women that will degrade if you even think of DM’ing me, asking for a picture or becoming frisky when I know you have a partner.

You may not like me, but you sure as hell will respect me because I earn mine and because I’m sound in knowing who I am and what I’m worth. Trust! God made no mistake when he made me.

Nobody will ever understand the extent to which this affects some of us. We either deal it with well or in most cases hide it very well. But it’s about time we have these discussions. It’s about time that we pave the way for further generations and teach love, respect, appreciation, tolerance and gratitude. It’s time that we teach our kids to have sound, open minds and warm hearts. Time that we teach them about God and the things, ways and attributes that he loves. Not about race BS and the things that oppressed our people.

I am a coloured woman and if that means that I’m a product of rape… well then a product of rape has never looked this good!

Love and light always fam

From just an ordinary girl

Advertisements
Love, life & everything's else in between, motivation and inspiration, personal

QOTD #75: Blessings on blessings

Today is very emotional day for me, as many of you who have shared my journey with me , would know, I lost my son at birth on this day, five years ago.

I’m getting stronger but it’s certain days that still get the better of me.

Situations have presented themselves forward, which I honestly did not have the patience and energy for and which I have been silent about because sometimes silence is best. But having being such an emotional morning, part of me wanted to react; just to vent so I could focus on celebrating my boy.

My sister said somethings to me that made so much of sense. She firstly reminded me of the person I AM. She then went on to saying

” Sissy, you can’t control what people say about you, but you can control how you react, so continue to react with patience, confidence, God and class”.

When you’ve found your peace. The devil will find ways to steal it. Don’t allow him too.

I was once very hasty and irrational and over the years I worked extremely hard to better myself with the help of my creator and family and a few friends.

I am so blessed with the people in my life, not only do they allow me to be me, flaws and all; they guide me, pick me up and step in when I can’t.

The beautiful messages I received this morning from sister and from my friends and family in support of Miks birthday, from my mum who wakes up to sing for him every year and my dad who will always come to me after and tell me to turn to God and not to cry and then my brother that would console me in his own awkward way, my boy are blessed and are forever grateful and I thank each of you.

To my dearest Lori. Thank you for the surprise visit to Miks grave and the video call and for making it look so beautiful. I couldn’t be there and even with all going on with you, you found it to make time and make a plan to do this for us. I am forever grateful

May God bless each and every one of you who remembered us today with bountiful favour and blessings.

It’s a day that reminded me of some very important lessons and it would never have happened if my angel was not in heaven.

Thank you friends and family and God for the constant support, the reminders and the lessons.

A gratitude post from just an ordinary Mum of angel!

Girl power, Lifestyle, Love, life & everything's else in between, motivation and inspiration, personal

#QOTD #71: Consideration

My sister had this quote up a couple of days ago on her feed.

Let’s just say that I found it to be so profound that days later, I still remembered it.

I think it’s fitting to share It with you all and especially on this #chooseday morning

And our Quote of the day is:

Wash the plate not because it is dirty, not because you are told but because you love the person who will use it next.

~ Mother Teresa

I personally think that you don’t even necessarily need to love the the person who will use it next, you just have to be considerate or respect them enough to make their life or job or situation a little easier.

You can practice the essence of this quote in your every day life.

  • At home and even at work, make the lives of the cleaning staff easier; wash up after yourself, if you spill, wipe it up.
  • If you’re at the printer and you’re almost out of paper, fill the tray once you’re done.
  • If you work in an environment where you have interactions with clients that you need to log, leave clear and precise notes to make the life of the next person easier.
  • In the toilet, replenish the toilet paper if you finish it. keep the condition of the 🚽 and even the 🚿 or the 🛀 as how you would use it.
  • You see something in way that could cause harm, pick it up or move it away.
  • Get home early, start the cooking!

And the list really can go on.

It really is the little things that make the hugest impact.

Share this post and add ways that you can make someone’s life easier. Let consideration be the order of this week 🙌🏼

May the week be filled with loads of love, happiness, peace and opportunity. Aaameen

💗 and 🌈 always , from just an ordinary girl💋

Love, life & everything's else in between, motivation and inspiration

Lessons of 2016

Let me share something with ya:
What people think about you is none of your business… I say this because when folk intend on disliking you, nothing you ever do will be enough, they’re gonna keep disliking you for their own reasons no matter what you do. It’s not about you, it’s about their insecurities so don’t lose sleep over it! 


We live in messed up times, people thrive on negativity, darkness and scandal. Everything fair no longer exists. Everything real is becoming extinct. Relationships are all for titles and social media posts or hashtags. Rumors spread wilder than world peace. We focus more on our eye brows being on fleek or the length of our weave than our fellow human beings who don’t even know when or where their next meal is coming from. We live is superficial times. We live in scary times. We live in messed up times indeed.

I say : Hold your head up high, live, learn and laugh through it all and remain ray Charles to the BS. keep growing and bettering yourself. When God is at the center of your world , you find that you will always strive to do the right thing even when or if you fail at times. 

Don’t mime people, how you react to a situation will say a lot about you. Not every interaction needs a reaction. You don’t have to do to others what they do to you. Smile. wave and kill them with kindness or just be still…it will make em go insane.

Learn to self validate so you don’t need others to do it for you. Learn to love yourself so you won’t be phased by those who make an effort to run you down. Irrelevant folk don’t deserve any power over you. 


So shine bright like the diamond that you are because those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter. It should always be between you and God, eff what the haters say. As I always say, a queen never leaves her throne to address peasants throwing stones 😎 and neither does a king. 

Deuces to all the she devils thinking they know your struggle or story. Tell em to Keep talking now!

And salute to the realist team; family and friends who know our stories, struggles and flaws and who still love us anyway. 👊🏼

Some advice from just an ordinary human being. 

Love, life & everything's else in between, motivation and inspiration, personal

You don’t need bae

So there’s this young couple that stays close by, I often look @ them and each time I get reminded of my previous relation with my ex husband. There’s day he would walk her to school and you can tell by their body language that they would be having THE best conversations – and then there are days when they are fighting and you’re thinking to yourself ” why does she stay” their fights get pretty ugly especially for their age. 

My ex husband and I could have the most weird, informative, serious, thought-provoking conversations. We had the ability to be each other’s besties but when we fought it always got ugly and not just ugly, ugly on steroids! 

This young couple also lost their baby just that hers was at 5months. 

What’s intriguing about the whole thing is that I feel as though the adult me is looking at the tween version of me. You can tell she loves him with her all and that’s why she will stay with him no matter what; I mean she’s still in school and has her WHOLE life ahead of her but her heart is set on this one… lol Gawsh I was just like this.

I’ve learnt now that the reason we tend to get so consumed is because we are looking for fulfillment, we are misconceived that this fulfillment can come from a partners love. I say that there is some truth in this but until you can fulfill yourself and until God is sufficient for you… one will always find themselves in these kinds of relationships; the type that is so good but tends to end up bad.

We often forget or maybe not taught or reminded enough, that in your tween years, you still learning yourself, how do we do that (learn ourselves)  when we are more consumed with another person than we are ourselves? 

When we do realize , it’s generally when we’re waaayyy older and then start looking to do things and be things that our tween self should have done or would have become or, we done married with kids and it seems it’s way too late to leave. 

So the point I’m trying to make is that : 

Parents:

Remind your kids that they are still developing and finding themselves, and try as hard as you can to steer them in the direction of focusing on themselves and their goals before getting excited for “weekend with bae” or “baecation” posts. 

Tweenies: 

You will never get these years back, whilst having a partner isn’t at all bad, don’t let it be your be all and end all. Focus on you, your likes, dislikes, goals, travel! Get to know yourselves first in order to be THE best significant other to the one who you will claim to love.


You don’t need bae now! You need yourself and you need God… let them find you when you are grounded with a clear vision of who and what you are and when you are THE BEST version of yourself … it would really be a shame to waste a relationship because you outgrew each other.


They say us women are excellent at multitasking, but trying to know and love and be everything for another person and yourself can be alil tough and daunting. 


Some observations from an ordinary young adult xx

community work, Love, life & everything's else in between, motivation and inspiration, personal

We are all leaders 

A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle” Italian proverb. 

This speaks volumes! Religiously, we are governed to share knowledge. I’ve always had the sentiment that in order to be empowered, you need to empower. 

I firmly believe that we were put on this earth to help each other like some people are more fortunate than others INORDER to help those less fortunate. 

Life is no competition or race and that’s what we, especially the younger generations, need to understand. Life is a journey, it’s a test, it’s about the lessons learnt and taught, it’s about the ups and the downs, the laughs and the cries, the pains and gains, the people, the seasons, experiences, it’s about God! 

I, personally, am in no competition with anybody else. I believe we are all destined to go different paths for a reason and where we can help each other we should! Even in the work place!!!! 

We need to learn to stop looking at what others have been blessed with and start being grateful for our own. When we learn to do just that…will we then beable to share whatever we can to make the next persons journey easier.

May we all use our experiences to help ourselves and anybody else out there …and remember it’s not always about having a monetary value behind it…time, a kind word, gesture or even smile can lift anybody’s spirit. 

#leaveYOURmark, wearYOURsmile,makeYOUR difference#LightYOURcandle.

See you all at the winning line ❤️❤️


Posted by just an ordinary girl.

Love, life & everything's else in between, motivation and inspiration, personal

Not today Satan, not today 

In the name of Allah, the most compassionate, the most merciful. 

Prophet Muhammed ( may peace and salutations be upon him always) delivered his final sermon to mankind on the 9th day of Dhul Hijjah ( the last month of the Islamic calendar) 

His words were directed to all of mankind as a reminder of how to conduct ourselves and what our purpose is on this earth. 

The farewell sermon

*”O people, lend me an attentive ear, for I know not whether, after this year, I shall ever be amongst you again. Therefore listen to what I am saying to you very carefully and TAKE THESE TO THOSE WHO COULD NOT BE PRESENT HERE TODAY.*

*O people, just as you regard this month, this day, this city as sacred, so regard the life and property of every muslim as a sacred trust. Return the goods entrusted to you to their rightful owners. Hurt no one so that no one may hurt you. Remember that you will indeed meet your lord and that He will indeed reckon your deeds. ALLAH has forbidden you to take usury (interest). Therefore all interst obligation shall henceforth be waived.*

*Beware of Satan, for the safety of your religion. He has lost all hope that he will ever be able to lead you astray in things, so beware of following him in small things.*

*O people, it is true that you have the right with regards to your woman, but they also have rights over you. If they abide by your rights then to them belong the right to be fed and clothed in kindness. Do treat your women well and be kind to them for they are your partners and committed helpers. And it approve, as well as never commit adultery.*

*O people, listen to me in earnest, worship ALLAH, say your five time daily prayers (salat) fast during the month of ramadan, and give your wealth in zakat. Perform Hajj if you can afford to. You know that every muslim is the brother of another muslim. YOU ARE ALL EQUAL.. No body has superiority over another except by piety and good action.*

*Remember, one day you will appear before ALLAH and answer for your deeds. O beware, do not stray from the part of righteousness after I am gone.*

*O people, NO PROPHET OR APOSTLE WILL COME AFTER ME AND NO NEW FAITH WILL BE BORN. Reason well, therefore people, understand my word, which I convey to you. I leave behind me two things, the QURAN and my SUNNAH and if you follow these you will not go astray.*

 those who listen to me shall pass on my words to others and those to others again, and may the last understand my words better than those who listen to me directly. Be my witness O ALLAH, that I have convyed your message to the people.”

May Allah bless our prophets abundantly, may we always look at their lives and reflect and take lessons of good will. May Allah ta Allah make us part of those whom he choose to guide on the straight path. May we always turn back to Allah ta Allah even when we fall. May we walk in the foot steps of Allahs most loved. Inshallah aameen.

Reading this sermon just created an urge in me to do and be better, before we look to others flaws, let’s look at our own and work on correcting them inshallah. Not today satan, not today
Posted by a humble, ordinary girl.