Girl power, Lifestyle, Love, life & everything's else in between, motivation and inspiration, personal

I owe my freedom to…

This morning I had a conversation that really made me sit and think about life, my purpose, blessings, experiences and then also who made it all possible;

  • God
  • My parents
  • Circle of friends and family

Having celebrated freedom day yesterday, I feel this post is fitting.

I have no shame telling people my story; not because I want or expect pity or even to bad mouth anybody, but to create hope in knowing that with prayer and the right people you allow in, you can overcome any and all adversities.

I fell pregnant, married the love of my life at the time, sh%t went south, was abused, lost my son at birth, lost my gran a few months after, got cheated on, got a divorce, lost my other gran and all in the space of a year and few.

GOD

When I returned home, I returned dignityless, broke as broke could be and with buckets full of emotion and questions and hurts and pain. I questioned God, everyone who knows me knows I love children and that my love is unconditional… why would he take those two things away from me. I was okay with being abused and unhappy, I was okay with making God and my parents unhappy; as long as I was with him and had my son, I was okay. Can you begin to imagine our absurd that is?

Truth is, lots of women feel and think that way.

Having nothing else to do, I started finding God, researched religions, I needed to know about this power that could do such, at his will. And trust, it was the best decision of my life.

I am born Muslim, but today I sit here saying that I choose to be Muslim. Upon reading and researching, I began to pray, at early hours of the morning. I would cry and ask God to pacify my heart because the pain was unbearable. I hid it well, maybe because of pride or even embarrassment? But I hid it well.

My perspective changed and I read about how babies who pass away will intercede for their mums on judgement day, I learnt that those who are favoured by God, are tested… I mean look at all the prophets and what they endured? I learned how women are valued in Islam and how we should be treated, and so I started expecting nothing less.

I became stronger and started seeing my blessings, my courage-meter started rising and rebuilding and reforming myself was what I began to do. Perhaps losing all that I lost, forced me to get closer to God; he is a jealous God after all. Perhaps it strengthened me to leave the toxic environment that I and him (my ex hubby) created. Perhaps Mika’il was an angel sent to save me from myself, so that I could find my purpose and fulfill it….

PARENTS

The beings we often take for granted. I come from an average background. Whilst we weren’t as poor as others I know, there were days we went with the bare minimum and everything we owned was worked for; sweat and tears literally.

Part of high school fees were sponsored and I remember taking lemon creams for a cake sale (in a private school with rich brats) because that’s all my dad could afford, they obviously pushed it aside because it weren’t as good for them as their novelty cakes.I couldn’t care less about them but felt more loved than anything, because MY DAD took his last and bought that for me.

My parents gave my siblings and I the best they had @ 100%… selfless, imperfect beings that were going through their own adversities but put our needs first. They made sure that we grew up with sound education and religion knowledge especially because they couldn’t teach us themselves… they only knew so much.

I look at them both today; Mum studied and is now a senior manager for one of SAs leading retailers and my dad, so religious inclined its unbelievable. My mum worked as a casual worker for EIGHT years before she became permanent. Yet she persevered. My dad was all things naughty, he drank, drugged, was affiliated with one of the most popular gangs in Durban but when my sister was born, he began his journey. Leaving school in grade 8, he now works independently as a tiler, being his own boss and growing in character and knowledge day by day.

With these two as an example… how could I quit? Sure we had and still have problems, but all families do. My parents are real-life examples of how perseverance, hard work and prayer can pull you out of any situation. And so I aspire to be just like them.

⭕️ OF FRIENDS AND FAMILY

My mum always told us to choose our friends wisely, back then it made no sense. Today, as 28 year old…it makes perfect sense. Science says that you become like the five closest people to you. Religion says that you should be wary of the company you keep… surely Mum, science and God cannot be wrong. You see, humans feed off each other in a non-parasitic way. We feed off energies. If you’re around negative, non-spiritual, uninspired folk…you will soon become just like them. On the flip side, if you affiliate yourself with people who are positive,warriors, those who know God and practice their faith each day and those who aspire to do many great things… it’s only a matter of time before you become just like that too.

I have had amazing people in and around my circle over the years. Ive had the best religious examples around me and I’ve had the most goal-driven people in my space. There was no way they were going to allow me to cave permanently.

They encouraged me when giving up was the easiest thing to do after days, weeks and months with internal battles and battling the trauma and adversities I been battling for so long. I was encouraged to pray and get closer to my creator, I was encouraged to re-wire my brain to look at the positives in every situation. I was pushed to set goals and boundaries for myself.

Today I sit here, looking back at yesterday; freedom day, and pondering over who was responsible for my freedom and they are:

  • God
  • My folks
  • My circle

Through my adversities I was reminded how highly blessed and favored I was and still am.

It’s 2018, 4-5 years after everything has happened and whilst it was not and still isn’t an easy road. I am way better off from where I started. I have achieved the littlest of things that made the hugest difference and I continue soaring and fighting on like the warrior God made me to be.

I am not where I want to be, I’m not Gods most loyal servant, I’m far from perfect. I’m miles away from financial freedom. But I am free. I am still. I am persevering and My faith is unshakable.

Love and light always; from just an ordinary girl

*all pictures are sourced from google*

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Love, life & everything's else in between, motivation and inspiration, personal

#QOTD #48

I got this random message from one of my closest girlfriends the other morning and it just made me realize how important it is for one to choose the people they keep around them. This message literally brightened up my whole day.



Tonight, I got invited by another close girl friend of mine to attend a fundraiser for such an amazing organization. I’m busy working on doing some research on this phenomenal org and will definitely be sharing it with you all. The night comprised local and international acts of singing, poetry and comedy. All in the name of encouraging normal folk like you and I to get involved do our part in making our community a better place to live and grow in. But I will dedicate an entire post to giving the 411 on this amazing org.

Moving along, These two gestures from my girlfriends have inspired the quote of today:

Associate yourself with people of good quality. For it is better to be alone than in bad company

~ Booker T Washington 

I absolutely agree. 

You are, who you hang around with and that’s a fact.

We often hear the old folk say : if you lie with dogs, you bound to wake up with fleas. They knew what they were talking about. 

I’ve got a lot of wrongs to right, but one thing I’ve always been blessed with, is my support structure. My circle of real friends has grown significantly smaller over the years, but the bond between my friends and I, has grown so much stronger. 

We are each other’s strength, courage, sight, logic, comic, sister, stylist, driver, shrink, cheer leader, confidence, entertainment and even a target. The beauty lies in that even when we make each other so mad, when it comes to the wire, we don’t  have to question who will be there and who wouldn’t. 

These are the people we need in our lives, the ones who we can love when they’re down and when they’re up and the ones who can love us at our worst through to us being our best. 

Your friends should ultimately push you to be and do better. And I can confidently say that mine do all of the above, even when I’m stubborn as a Muel. 

So on that note, let’s take some time  to reflect on the people we deem close to us. Let’s look at the character of the people we call friends pay more attention to those whom we let into our circle. It may seem trivial, but it is so important.


❤️and 🌈 from just an ordinary girl 

Love, life & everything's else in between, motivation and inspiration, personal

Gratitude

It has been one of the toughest weeks of 2017 by far.

Staying afloat and remaining positive has never taken so much out of me. I am however, a firm believer that we all need to have some bad days to sincerely appreciate the good ones 🙂

I am training myself to see the light even when I’m stuck in the middle of what seems to be a never-ending storm. As a result, there are some things that moved me this past week that I really just need to put out there and extend some gratitude for.

Many of you know that I lost my son. Each year, I am overwhelmed by the mothers day messages I receive. The kind words and reassurance that my little soldier is watching over me, always warms my heart. To each and every one of you who took the time out to send me those beautiful messages, I say Thank You and this is from the depths of my heart.

The one wish received however, really touched my heart and will forever remain embedded in my minds’ box of sentimental memories. The wish from my mentee. Many of you would also know that I mentor a beautiful 13 year old little girl at one of the kiddies homes here in Durban. This is done through an absolutely wonderful programme; The Bright Star mentorship programme. This is one of the very many programmes run by the Peace agency. 

You guys should really check the programme out, you can do so by clicking here. You can also check out information on the Peace Agency and other projects linked to them by clicking here. You guys are welcome to comment or message me for more information as well 🙂

I am currently in my second year of mentoring through this programme and you would have seen through  my previous posts just how amazing my mentee is. She made me the most beautiful card with the most heart warming words. God really has a constant way of showing me just how much he loves me. I really feel so privileged being apart of this little one’s life. With each weekly visit, I am constantly fulfilled. #Forevergrateful

I also need to extend my gratitude to my friends, family and significant other. Knowing just how trying this week has been, these guys are always at my side reminding me to keep going, reminding me of God, reminding me that I have been through worse. These guys are always encouraging me and boy oh boy, they never allow me to wallow. I promise you, if it was not for them, I don’t even want to think of the position I would be in and I mean really, what more could a girl possibly ask for? #Mysupportstructureisbetterthanyours

Lastly, my creator. You know how we sometimes have those silent prayers that our hearts whisper but we brush off? yeah those. God always seems to listen and let me know in his own way that he has heard. Me being able to write this post is really only by his will and permission and therefore I have to honor him. #blessedbeyondmeasure

so God, thank you for everything, thank you for my heavenly angel that is there with you, thank you for my mentee and allowing be to be apart of such a phenomenal mentorship programme, thank you for my family, friends and my special person and thank you for never giving up on me. People often ask me how do I remain so grounded and my answer was, is and  will always be: my faith and my God.

So with that done, I will encourage you to give thanks and to purposely remind yourself of all the good things you got going in your life, especially when you have 101 things to complain about. It has worked for me, I am sure it will for you too.

Love and light always,

From just an ordinary girl Xx

 

Girl power, Love, life & everything's else in between, personal

#DFH #50

Dear Future husband 

I’m not superficial but I am sentimental. 

The engagement

When you propose , I imagine that it would be romantic, the whole “get down on one knee” type of vibe. I want you to have gone to my folk to ask them for my hand in marriage. Then plan something romantic #theoldschoolway.  I don’t need an engagement party actually.

The wedding 

I don’t want a lavish wedding but I would want one none the less, just a small one with those closest to us. Us dressed up. Intimate venue, decorated and lovely food. 

I really don’t need a honey moon to be quite frank. 

I want our union to bring people together. To be blessed. So no alcohol. People must be in their right senses celebrating with us.

I want our union to bring happiness and love and joy to all those that will share the special day with us. I want to get dressed up and wear my madora and have my mendhi on, with a pair of kicks not because it’s a must but because I can and because I would want that. 

I want my make- up to be subtle but beautiful, creating a perfect balance between natural and glam.

I want to give my mum the opportunity and experience of giving the “mother of the bride” speech and to fix whatever’s wrong with my dress, madora or face. 

I want that day to give my father the reassurance that I’m marrying somebody who would take care of as he would, should need be.

I want to give my friends the opportunity of running around trying to get eish done to plan our small intimate wedding and want to beable to look into our guests eyes and see that “twinkle”. 

I want to share my joy, our joy and I would want to share it with those close to us.

Dear future husband, I want to beable to look at my inlaws and see a sense of pride on their faces. I want to beable to reassure them on the day, that I will look of their son as they would. Give them the opportunity to say their say and blessings over us and to give us hilarious speeches of some of your “growing-up” memories.

I want to us to pray , there and then. You. Me. and our guests.

I want happiness. I want alil chaos, I want unity, love and peace. I want our marriage to be sealed by Allah. 

I want you. I want all of this and I want them.

A heartfelt desire,

Your ordinary future wife (:❤️

Girl power, Love, life & everything's else in between, motivation and inspiration, personal

Cakeday #March17th

Since Miks passing, I’ve never really celebrated my birthday with our birthdays being so close. So ironic because birthdays  are generally a big thing for me.

I do however, use this day to sit back and reflect on the past year. See what character / religious / career adjustments can be made. Sit and decide what worked for me and what didn’t work for me. This year will be no different.

I didn’t achieve wordly things in the past year. I’m still in the same position career wise, as I was last year. But I did achieve religious and character goals. I’ve put to bed some of the very influential demons in my life. I’ve got the answers I needed and I got to verbally say my truth. Confronted people who needed to be confronted and made an effort to physically remove the drama from my life. I’ve made a conscious effort to stop being such a push over and God did it feel good. I’ve blogged more and started writing my book. I’ve respected my mama more, achieved some weight loss and joined an amazing book club. Trying to do things that actually matter. I’ve also completed a year of mentoring and have successfully entered another year.

I’ve made some religious achievement. I read my Quran most days, previously I’d only read in our fasting month. I’ve worn my scarf more in the last year than I have in the last 5 and I’m working on praying more…..all this bythe almightys mercy and permission. The lesson I’ve learnt in the last year is firstly: 

  • success cannot be measured; by any one or anything. It is subject and you get to control what success means to you.
  • Spiritual/ religious achievements are just as, if not more fulfilling that wordly achievements.
  • How you feel matters!
  • Practice what you preach
  • Not everybody riding with you is willing to die for you, keep your circle small, keep it real

There’s tons of work I need to do for the forthcoming year. Which with the help of God I will do.

I just wanna take a moment to thank Allah, thank him for his unconditional love. For guiding me and protecting me even when I was and am unworthy of it. I want to take the time out to thank our creator for all the favors he has bestowed upon my life. I ask that he make me one of his most sincere and consistent servants. May he continue to bless those around me and help me with the transformations of my character and religious goals that I am aspiring towards. Shukr Allah for your infinite mercies. There really is none worthy of worship but you! 

To my family. Gawsh i sometimes look at you all and think “how do they do it”. I’m sometimes too much for my own self to handle and you guys do it so effortlessly. Shukran to each of you for your constant support. To my friends , my sisters , besties, you guys are the reason I am where I am today. My circle may be  very small but I’d have it no other way. You all are appreciated and I pray that my efforts to express my gratitude toward you guys let you know just how much you all mean to me.

Here’s to another year. May we all let God be the center of everything we do. 27 are you ready for me? Well that’s the question I’d like to ask but deep down I’m freaking out at how old I’m getting 🙈

Happy 1st birthday to my car as well, my didi pops 💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻my ride or die, literally.

Happy St Patrick’s day to all and a very happy birthday to the many others born on this day 

Love and gratitude always

From just an ordinary birthday girl 

Love, life & everything's else in between, motivation and inspiration, personal

A note of gratitude 

For those of you who know me, you would know that loyalty means everything to me. I am yet again shown by the almighty what amazing friends and family I have.

None of my friends or family expect public recognition for the things they do, but I’m gonna  publicly show my gratitude towards them anyway. 

This post is dedicated to four of the very few special people in my life who went out of their way to make my weekend special and to make sure that I don’t spend it alone now that my folk are overseas. 


Lucille. You literally left your house, went to hire movies and got to me just after 10. You brought chocolate, jelly babies and 5 of the most amazing romcoms. You know that I am PMSing and that it’s the weekend before miks birthday and you knew, without me saying, that a girls day in, in pjs , and movies would be just the thing I needed to keep my mind occupied. Who would have ever thought my best friend’s wife would have turned out to be one of the closest people me in my circle. I am grateful for your time because I believe that giving somebody your time, is giving them a part of your life you never getting back. Thank you my Lucy lu. Love you loads Lucinda 

Mummy, you called me this morning and even though I weren’t crying at the time, you just sensed something was wrong. Know what the amazing part was? I didn’t even need to tell you what was wrong, you just knew. You spoke words of strength and courage into me and reminded me that I am strong and confirmed that I will be okay. I always say that I admire your strength and wish I could be half the woman you are one day. Shukran for always being in my corner even when I’m not deserving of it. I appreciate you and I love you. 


Lamia! You too know how emotional the days leading to Miks birthday is for me and each year you are always here Supporting me. You accompanied me to see Mbali today and encouraged and interacted with her the way I would because you could see my heart was there but I was just too exhausted from all the crying. You drove us around, bought us lunch and cake and junk for our boy’s birthday. You listened, you teared up and you went out of your way to make sure I am ok. If that wasn’t enough , you lit candles and got us; me and the kids to sing for Mik, knowing that it’s something my mother does and she’s not here to do it. My friend, I am enternally grateful for everything you did, have done and will do. Who would have ever thought that  my ex husband’s cousin would be one of the realist closest people on my team.

Lastly, My Paddy waddy. I found a friend in you almost two years ago and even now that we’re in a relationship, that friendship seems to be growing daily. You woke up from your sleep to listen to me cry. You didn’t moan or shoosh me And you didn’t just listen, you reassured me, comforted me and calmed me. You elevated me and reminded me that it is okay to feel the way I feel and made an effort to show me that you are here. You made me know that Miks birthday would be a thing that we, as a couple will embrace. I can never express how much that means to me. You are always there for me when it actually matters and I am so happy to call you mine. I appreciate every single gesture of yours. Who would have ever thought that working on a reality show concept would gain me one of the most loyal, honest friends I know and would have turned into an amazing love story. I know it’s still early days but I appreciate you. Thank you baby! 

I always say that if I am ever ungrateful or start questioning God, that there’d be something seriously wrong with me. The friends and family in my circle is a constant reminder of Gods blessing bestowed upon my life. Shukr Allah for your infinite love.

I may not always show my gratitude and I know I tend to be over bearing at times. But what you guys did for me this weekend really meant the world to me.

Love you all and loads of gratitude may the almighty keep me around so that one day I may return the favor .

Love, life & everything's else in between, personal

More messages dear to my ❤️

You guys know I’m sentimental AF. Coming into the new year reading these…I don’t deserve you all true but appreciate each and every one of you♥

My cousins ❤️

My fellow book wormy❤️
My Lam Lamz 💋
My seshy pooh😍
My Sammy Sam❤
My Shubzah💋
My Tash♥♥
My Lamis 😎
Miss V dub😎
My lulu 💋💃🏻♥
Lady Di 👑
Miss Ernest – aka miss pretty 😍
My paddle pop 😍
Mr Flexboogie himself

Miss Zan 🐝❤
My big bro ❤️
Miss Chinese 🌺❤😍
My slinuna👌🏼♥

You guys rock awesome. So while I sing along , and falsely might I add, just know I love you guys with my all and appreciate the support and love and encouragement