I had to work extremely hard today to control the anger,to keep the memories from swallowing and drowning my heart. And I’m exhausted now.
Memories of the different encounters of abuse, the affairs, the loss of my son, the violence, the struggles of just being a true authentic human being and people often taking that for a weakness, the heartache… It all came flooding back. I know what happens when I allow it to wash me away to depressing shores and so I fight daily to keep afloat. Today I’m barely making it.
See, what people don’t understand is that when you go through something traumatic, it never goes away. We work hard daily to rise above it all and keep moving, to work at it, to restore faith and trust. Its an everyday job where leave is something utopic. Some days we’re successful and are euphoric and other days we struggle, barely keeping our faces above water.
Today was one of those days for me.
To the pretentious kind. I don’t have the energy to deal with you today, so stay at bay.
To the judges of the world, do me a favour and take 30 to just relook at your own life. I can almost bet the judgment you possess towards me will be making a 360 towards yourself.
To the perpetrators, come correct… Kind is somewhere in my DNA, just not at the forefront of my logic today… So preservation of the positivity in my optimism well is the main goal for now. Not your pride or your ego…that I generally nurture in hope of yourll doing and being better.
I still have a house to clean, a prayer to say and tons of assignments to do. Allah if ever I needed you, it’s today.
Truest feelings, from just an ordinary girl trying to stay afloat