When you have been single for so long. A new relationship can easily become very daunting. If you know me, you would know that I have been single for the past 3 years. It was a decision I took so that I could heal and get over my previous relationship completely.
I recently started dating such a respectful guy. One that my heart grows fond of daily. This however, is not easy.
You see when you’ve been single for so long, you really get used to only needing to worry about yourself, ensuring you are the best version of yourself for yourself. You don’t need to worry about checking in with anybody specifically, you can go and come as you please. You don’t have to worry about showing up and supporting anybody, don’t need to involve anybody in your plans and your only concern is just protecting yourself.
This mostly changes when you get involved with somebody because all relationships require love, care, compassion and comprise. This amongst other things ofcause.
The transition from only considering one person on a daily basis to two people, can sometimes be very hard. You can come across as sometimes being selfish as it is only about you, but I promise you, we don’t do it intentionally. We literally have to remind ourselves that there is another person involved. That we are no longer alone.
I am lucky because the guy I am dating, knows me for some time so he knows the journey I have been through. We spoke about these things before making it official however, I can tell you first hand that it is easier said than done.
When the honeymoon phase is over and you really start getting to know each other, is when you become vulnerable. You can’t stay in the relationship and keep your walls up…I mean if you are then why date right? I am one of those who does anything 200% so if I’m going to choose to love, know that im going to give my all.
I felt obliged to write this blog to maybe encourage others in the same situation as me. To love and be loved is one of the most beautiful things you will ever encounter.
I know the fears; of whether or not you will be loved back, the fears of rejection. Where you put yourself out there and he doesn’t answer his phone or text back and your heart begins to race, mind works over time and you think ” being single would be easier”. I know the fears of feeling insecure, I mean you work so hard securing yourself only to start dating and mess that all up…yeap I know it all. I know those all too well!
Whilst I wont encourage you to stay in a relationship where you are not pursued or encouraged, I will tell you that we should not be entitled just because of what other, previous partners put us through, I will tell you that it is not going to be all rosey, sunshine and butterflies because if it is, then you are dating an idea and not a person.
You know you are in something real, when you find yourself getting fed-up, disagreeing with each other and not always being in sync. The magic is in how you guys bounce back from that.
My person of honour and I are in a long distance relationship, so getting back into the dating game and also him being so far…isn’t exactly easy. We have amazing days and then not-so-amazing days. But we can be honest with each other and that is the beautiful thing. He doesn’t allow me to dwell or feel sorry for myself and neither i him. We can communicate and talk about anything and everything. We kinda know the basics about each other but we learn and get exposed to different things each time we meet… this is the beauty in dating and communication is key.
let me tell you, it is the most beautiful thing to see people brave enough to put themselves out there even after being hurt. I know first hand how daunting it is and just how brave and strong you need to be.
Don’t have expectations because there are no guarantee’s in anything in this life. But, be grateful for and be present in the now. Enjoy the butterflies, embrace the high’s and the low’s, consume yourself with the desire’s for all things real and not perfect because perfect doesn’t exist. Love how you want to be loved because in the end, it is between you, self and God.
To love and be loved is one of the most amazing feelings you will ever experience, but like all things good and real, it never comes easy.
Get ready to fight with your all, fight past the negative voices in your head, past the fears and reservations and focus instead on the positive. Every experience, pain included, makes for a great teacher…there is always a lesson learnt.
If you are out there, contemplating about getting involved again, I really hope this piece helps you.
Love and light always,
From just an ordinary girl.