Love, life & everything's else in between, motivation and inspiration, personal

A note of gratitude 

For those of you who know me, you would know that loyalty means everything to me. I am yet again shown by the almighty what amazing friends and family I have.

None of my friends or family expect public recognition for the things they do, but I’m gonna  publicly show my gratitude towards them anyway. 

This post is dedicated to four of the very few special people in my life who went out of their way to make my weekend special and to make sure that I don’t spend it alone now that my folk are overseas. 


Lucille. You literally left your house, went to hire movies and got to me just after 10. You brought chocolate, jelly babies and 5 of the most amazing romcoms. You know that I am PMSing and that it’s the weekend before miks birthday and you knew, without me saying, that a girls day in, in pjs , and movies would be just the thing I needed to keep my mind occupied. Who would have ever thought my best friend’s wife would have turned out to be one of the closest people me in my circle. I am grateful for your time because I believe that giving somebody your time, is giving them a part of your life you never getting back. Thank you my Lucy lu. Love you loads Lucinda 

Mummy, you called me this morning and even though I weren’t crying at the time, you just sensed something was wrong. Know what the amazing part was? I didn’t even need to tell you what was wrong, you just knew. You spoke words of strength and courage into me and reminded me that I am strong and confirmed that I will be okay. I always say that I admire your strength and wish I could be half the woman you are one day. Shukran for always being in my corner even when I’m not deserving of it. I appreciate you and I love you. 


Lamia! You too know how emotional the days leading to Miks birthday is for me and each year you are always here Supporting me. You accompanied me to see Mbali today and encouraged and interacted with her the way I would because you could see my heart was there but I was just too exhausted from all the crying. You drove us around, bought us lunch and cake and junk for our boy’s birthday. You listened, you teared up and you went out of your way to make sure I am ok. If that wasn’t enough , you lit candles and got us; me and the kids to sing for Mik, knowing that it’s something my mother does and she’s not here to do it. My friend, I am enternally grateful for everything you did, have done and will do. Who would have ever thought that  my ex husband’s cousin would be one of the realist closest people on my team.

Lastly, My Paddy waddy. I found a friend in you almost two years ago and even now that we’re in a relationship, that friendship seems to be growing daily. You woke up from your sleep to listen to me cry. You didn’t moan or shoosh me And you didn’t just listen, you reassured me, comforted me and calmed me. You elevated me and reminded me that it is okay to feel the way I feel and made an effort to show me that you are here. You made me know that Miks birthday would be a thing that we, as a couple will embrace. I can never express how much that means to me. You are always there for me when it actually matters and I am so happy to call you mine. I appreciate every single gesture of yours. Who would have ever thought that working on a reality show concept would gain me one of the most loyal, honest friends I know and would have turned into an amazing love story. I know it’s still early days but I appreciate you. Thank you baby! 

I always say that if I am ever ungrateful or start questioning God, that there’d be something seriously wrong with me. The friends and family in my circle is a constant reminder of Gods blessing bestowed upon my life. Shukr Allah for your infinite love.

I may not always show my gratitude and I know I tend to be over bearing at times. But what you guys did for me this weekend really meant the world to me.

Love you all and loads of gratitude may the almighty keep me around so that one day I may return the favor .

Love, life & everything's else in between, motivation and inspiration, personal

The pain 

Tears well up. 

It’s the overfloweth of my cup. 

How ironic because my soul feels empty. Its yearning for you to be here. With me. 

Emotions are peeking. 

I swear it’s a side effect of my soul seeking. You! 

It’s worse than having a knife put through your back, that kind of pain will eventually heal. 

This pain, demands for me to feel. Oh but how I miss you Mika’il.

The loss of a son. 

Bleeds more than the shot from a gun. 

It’s a pain I will be reminded of for the rest of my life. 

I would really have preferred the pain of that knife. 

I wish that Gods breath of life remained in your soul. It would make my life purpose-filled. Whole. 

Perhaps life would be easier if you were here see, Merrier. Happier . Happy her. (Me!)

I know you’re above beyond the clouds. 

You will always remain in my heart. Vows! 

Till we meet again son. Rest In Peace. 

With oceans of love, your mum❤ cease.

Love, life & everything's else in between, personal

Dear son 

It’s just one day before your birthday. And you should know by now how emotional I get. Flashbacks and memories of when it all happened.

If you were here, I know I would have been running around frantic looking for the final touches to whatever I would have had planned for you for tomorrow. 

You would have been 4. Imagine! Such a grown boy. 

I sometimes sit and imagine the kind of love-filled stares I’d be giving you when you asleep or think of all the gratified thoughts I would think when you do the darndest of things. I still imagine who you’d like, how your hair would have been and whose eyes you’d have.

Lots has happened over the passed year. I’ve met with your dad and glad to say that that has all been resolved. I’ve written “dear john’s” and burnt them, letting go of all the negativity and I’ve distanced myself from people who really don’t add anything but drama to my life. You give me all this courage in your own little way.

I made an intention to visit your grave for your birthday but financially that isn’t possible right now. I will be coming soon. I think I’m getting stronger, I’ve closed chapters of my life for good as I said before, by confrontation as well as small symbolic things. I also finally finished your baby book. 
I know it’s sometimes selfish of me to keep on doing this but writing is your mother’s go-to place. Your Ma never understands why I come to write here because she believes it doesn’t need to be posted. But you will never understand how posting this soothes me and it really is only with intention that other mommies who have lost their precious bundles know that they aren’t alone.

Thoughts of you  have been flooding my mind , like it does religiously this time of year. 

I have no doubt that you’re safer wherever you are right now than if you were here with me so for that I’m grateful.

Rest assured, I will be back putting pen to paper or rather my fingers to this keyboard wishing you a very happy birthday in a few.

Rest well my special boy❤️❤️