Love, life & everything's else in between, motivation and inspiration, personal

Ā 50 shades of messed up…

I’m hurt, I’m angry, I’m anxious, I’m unsettled, I’m hopeless, I’m mad, I’m sad. I’m empty, I’m undeserving, I’m failing, I’m falling, I’m crushing, I’m stuck, I’m needing, I’m wanting. 

Then I’m happy, I’m hopeful, positive, I’m optimistic, I’m full, I’m enough , I’m learning, I’m progressing. I’m goaling, I’m moving Forward. Does it make any sense?! These internal wars feel like they’re killing me softly. 

The confusion is making me go insane. How does it stop?  Isn’t it weird how one moment you can be at such peace and the next your world is turning upside down? 

I forgot how painful this is. I think I got so used to blocking things out that now that I need to deal with the reality of things, I feel like I’m at begin again just that this time It feels ten times worse AND i didn’t even get R200 for passingšŸ˜Talk about a lose lose sigh. 

Logic tells me one thing but then emotions sometime just gets the better of me.

Joys of being gullible and sentimental I suppose. I just need my head, heart and gut to all be aligned like they were. Why is it so hard.

Oh Allah, I need your help. Can you take over now! Is the end of this era anywhere near? 

Confusion of just an ordinary girl