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Day 6: 30 day blog challenge

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What is the hardest thing you have experienced ??? That’s day 6 ‘ s question.

This a bit of a sensitive one…but.what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger yeah???

Two things crippled me; The loss of my son and my Mar Una.

Yes. My divorce too…but compared to the 2 above…would Def rank last.

Although I only Carried him for 6 months.  The bond between a mother and a baby is something else. The fact that he was alive and I gave birth to him was harder to swallow. One day you’re pregnant and the next you’re not. Baby’s gone. Things just changed to go back to normal. What was normal again?? Coz life was adjusted to being a high risk pregnant woman.

I remember that day clearly. The hospital didn’t even know I was in labour until I told them I could feel his head at the bottom. They told me not to push because I was going to mess their linen. Lol. Had no heart monitoring machine connected and they delivered him in a bed pan.  No incubator…almost as tho they gave up on him instantaneously.No body tried to revive him or at least deliver him alive and no I was not in a government hospital.

I was alone… Instead of hearing a cry. I heard his head knock against the metal of the bed pan. I didn’t get to see him because they had put all of my after birth over him.

My gynae. Lol. Arrived after it was all done, and asked for the foetus…they all stood around looking at each other and I politely said IT is In the bed pan.  I remember asking what baby it was…and they told me a boy…yeap what I always wanted. When they lifted him to show me…his mouth was wide open like he was gasping for air and his tiny little hands were clenched into fists…yeap my baby passed away gasping for air and I couldn’t do anything for him.

The tears are filling up now and so I’m not going to explain further or even tell you guys what lousy excuses the hospital gave me. Probably saw I was there alone so figured what the hell.

My Mar Una lived for 3 months after that…not long enough Coz I needed her. To help me and encourage me to accept it graciously. But I guess God needed her more…perhaps to take care of my boy since I couldn’t and who better to raise him than her 🙂

And so that by far was the hardest and worst thing I have ever experienced.

Hugs and kisses.
Strongs to all the other parents out there who have lost a kid.

Posted from Just an ordinary girl

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